Moses Jokes / Recent Jokes

Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth.As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling more...

This month's internal news letter continues the tradition of including exerpts from student exams and papers. This month: history.
Pharoah forced the Herbrew slaves to make bread without straw
Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleaven bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
Afterwards Moses went up to Mt Cyanide to get the ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
David was a Hebrew King skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
The government of England was a limited mockery.
From the womb of Henry VIII protestantism was born. He found walking difficult as he had an abbess (sic) on his knee.

Moses, Jesus, and another guy were out playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.
The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there, it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the aforementioned pond.
On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad where it rested more...

The following is a "history" collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot of incorrect information.

The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. On of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother`s son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother`s birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but more...

The bible
The following statements about the Bible were written by children. o In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, G-d got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
o Lot`s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
o Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they ate unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
o The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
o Afterward, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to find the ten amendments.
o The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
o The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery."
o The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
o David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
o Solomon, one of David`s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines

Kids on the Old and New TestamentsThis comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)... Enjoy!* In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating theworld, so he took the Sabbath off.* Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah`s wife was calledJoan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.* Lot`s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.* The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble withthe unsympathetic Genitals.* Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebellike Delilah.* Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened breadwhich is bread without any ingredients.* The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moseswent up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.* The seventh commandment is thou more...

Some bloopers of biblical proportions written by Sunday School students of both the Christian and Jewish persuasion:

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah`s wife was called Joan of Ark.

Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.

Lot`s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get more...