Moses Jokes / Recent Jokes

A burglar got into a house one holiday night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you." He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables. He heard again, "Jesus is watching you." This time he shined his light all over, and it rested on a parrot. He asked, "Did you say that?" The parrot admitted that he had. "I''m just trying to warn you, is all." The burglar sad, "Warn me, huh? A parrot? Who are you? What''s your name?" "Moses." "Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?" The bird answered, "I don''t know; I guess the same folks who would name a dog "Jesus".......

This quiz has been around for ages. Remember the answers?

1. If a plane crashed on the border of the USA and Canada, where should the survivors be buried?

2. How many species of each animal did Moses take aboard the ark?

3. How many months have 28 days?

4. How far can a bear walk into the woods?

5. What is the value of coin dated 24 B.C.?

6. How many grooves does a 45rpm phonograph record have?

7. A camper leaves her camp, hikes 1 mile south, then 1 mile east where she sees a bear. Then she hikes 1 mile north to arrive at her camp. What color is the bear?

8. If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof, will the egg roll to the left side or to the right side?

9. If a south bound electric train is traveling at a rate of 66 miles per hour and the wind is blowing to the north at 35 miles per hour, which way will the smoke blow?

10. On which side of a chicken are the most more...

Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green.
The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, more...

Moses went to the airport and saw George Bush. When Bush appraoched him and said hi Moses ignored him. Bush again tried to talk with Moses but Moses still ignored him. Whe Bush asked Moses why he was ignoring him Moses answered...
"Because last time i talked to a bush I was in the dessert for40 years!"

Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses "I want to do a miracle so we can feel like the good old days." and Moses says "Yeah sure." So Jesus gets up and says "I think Ill walk on the water, that was always a good one." So Jesus walks over to the edge of the boat, steps into the water, and sinks like a stone. Moses drags Jesus back into the boat and revives him. Moses then says "Whats the problem?" and Jesus says, "I think its the holes in my feet!"

Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green.
Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap.
Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.
Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't more...

Some bloopers of biblical proportions written by Sunday School students of both the Christian and Jewish persuasion:

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get more...