Moses Jokes / Recent Jokes

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlightaround, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player toplace in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the darksaying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, andfroze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clickedthe light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just ashe pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear asa bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for thesource of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, hisflashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" Hehissed at the parrot." Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warnyou." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world more...

These are written by children and have not been retouched or corrected, poor spelling and all!

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. (*admit* lol)
Moses died before he ever reached Canada.David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.Soloman, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.The epistles were the wives of the apostles.Most religions teach us to have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, "I am George W. Bush, the President of the US of A, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"
Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 days!"

George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone tablets in his arms. He approached the man and asked reverently, "Aren't you Moses?" But the man wouldn't listen to him and continued walking. George asked him again, ''Aren't you Moses?'' The old man continued ignoring him, even turning his back on little Bush. George grabs the man's arm, looks him right in the eye and insists, "Answer me - Aren't you Moses?" The man replies, "I'm not saying a thing! The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up roaming the desert for 40 years!"

George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminaland he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with along white beard, long white hair and carrying two stonetablets in his arms. He approached the man and asked,"Aren't you Moses?" But the man wouldn't listen to himand continued walking. George asked him again, "Aren'tyou Moses?" The old man continued ignoring him, eventurning his back on little Bush. George grabs the man'sarm, looks him right in the eye and insists, "Answer me- Aren't you Moses?" The man replies, "I'm not sayingshit! The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up roamingthe desert for 40 years!"

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing
white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The
man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses."The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked
again, "Aren't you Moses".The man continued to peruse the ceiling.George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you
Moses".The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am".George W. asked him why he was so uppity and the man replied, "The last
time a bush spoke to me I ended up spending forty years in the
wilderness".

Most people assume WWJD is for “What would Jesus do?” But the initials really stand
for “What would Jesus drive?”One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because “the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury.”But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the
Lord to “pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm.”Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain “until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast.” Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's
gospel where Christ tells the crowd, “For I did not speak of my own Accord.”Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage
declaring, “the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills.”Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a more...