Moses Jokes / Recent Jokes

Answers Given By Students To Test Questions On The Bible:The first book of the Bible is Guinessis.Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father. (I used this one alot when I was a kid...wait...I still do!)The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. (Used by Bill Clinton...Monica who?)Moses died before he ever reached the UK. (Lucky for him that is.)Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. (What...they launch their Depends at 'em?)The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still, and he obeyed him.David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.King David fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the Biblical times. (and still alive and residing in Hackensack, N.J.)Solomon had 300 wives and 700 more...

Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they're on the tenth hole. Moses hits the ball and it heads straight for a pond. Just before the ball hits the water, the pond parts and the ball rolls up onto the green. Jesus winds up and hits one about to the same spot. Jesus' ball hits the water and skips across. All of a sudden, lightning flashes and a ball drops from the sky. A fish swallows it and a bird picks up the fish and drops the ball onto a turtle that walks over to the hole and drops it in. Moses turns to Jesus and says, ''I hate it when your dad plays!''

Jesus and Moses are playing golf. On the 5th hole, a shot over water to an island green, Moses hits his 6-iron and it lands perfectly on the green. Jesus takes out his 7-iron and begins tee-ing it up.
Moses says: "The 7 isn't enough club. It'll go in the water"
Jesus replies: "If Tiger Woods can do it, I can do it."
He swings the 7-iron and sure enough, straight in the drink. He tees up a second ball and grabs his 7-iron again. Again Moses reminds him of his previous attempt and Jesus says, "If Tiger Woods can do it, I can do it." "PLOP" in the water, it goes again. He continues this until he has hit all his golf balls into the water. At this point, he begins walking out on the water looking down to locate his lost golf balls. The foursome behind them approaches the tee, spots Jesus out on the lake and says to Moses, "Hey, who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?"
Moses replies, "No, Tiger Woods."

Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses "I want to do a miracle so we can feel like the good old days." and Moses says "Yeah sure." So Jesus gets up and says "I think I'll walk on the water, that was always a good one." So Jesus walks over to the edge of the boat, steps into the water, and sinks like a stone. Moses drags Jesus back into the boat and revives him. Moses then says "What's the problem?" and Jesus says, "I think its the holes in my feet!"

The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (ie. bad spelling has been left in):
'In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.'
'Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.'
'Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.'
'Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.'
'Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.'
'The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.'
'Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.'
'Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.'
'Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.'
'The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the 10 amendments.'
'The more...

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.
George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses."
The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.
George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man continued to peruse the ceiling.
George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"
The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am."
George W. asked him why he was so uppity.
Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert!"

One day, Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf. Moses pulled up to the tee, and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. He quickly raised his club, the water parted, and the ball rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Then, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the centre of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green.
Next, the third guy got up and randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over a fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street, where it bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree.
From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily more...