Moses Jokes / Recent Jokes

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlightaround, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player toplace in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the darksaying, "Jesus is watching you."He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, andfroze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clickedthe light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just ashe pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear asa bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for thesource of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, hisflashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" Hehissed at the parrot."Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warnyou."The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are more...

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables. When he picked up a CD player to stuff into his sack, he heard a strange disembodied voice come through the darkness: "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin! He shut off his flashlight and waited... When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and resumed searching for more valuables. Just as he disconnected the stereo, he heard again, clear as a bell:
"Jesus is watching you."
Completely freaked, he shone his light around looking for the source of the voice. In a corner of the room the beam came to rest upon an African parrot.
"Did you say that?!" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the bird replied. "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar visibly relaxed. "Warn me, huh?! Who the heck are you?"
"Moses," replied the parrot.
The burglar laughed, "What kind more...

Moses and Christ come back to Earth and are standing by a beach at a nudist colony. Christ says to Moses "This is sinful, we must do something about this." Moses agrees and steps forward and says "All of you Jews step forward and behold this," he then turns and walks out 100' on top of the water and shouts to the Jews "Repent, Repent!" And all the Jews began to get dressed. Christ, not wanting to be out-done by Moses calls to all the Christians to the seashore and says "Behold." And he turns to the water, but he walks out ten feet & the water is up to his knees, twenty feet-his waist, fifty feet-his neck and he can go no further. Finally he quietly calls over to Moses and says..."Moses, Moses how did you do that miracle?" And Moses says to Christ "Don't be a idiot, walk on the underwater rocks like I did!"

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his torch around looking for valuables.
When he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying,
'Jesus is watching you.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a little while, he shook his head, promised himself a holiday after the next score, and then clicked his light back on and began searching for more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell, he heard,
'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his torch came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep,' the parrot confessed, and then squawked, 'I'm trying to warn you.'
The burglar relaxed.
'Warn me, eh? Who are you?'
'Moses,' more...

A burglar got into a house one holiday night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables.
He heard again, "Jesus is watching you." This time he shined his light all over, and it rested on a parrot.
He asked, "Did you say that?"
The parrot admitted that he had. "I'm just trying to warn you, is all."
The burglar sad, "Warn me, huh? A parrot? Who are you? What's your name?"
"Moses."
"Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?"
The bird answered, "I don't know; I guess the same folks who would name a Rottweiler "Jesus'"...

This is a collection of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from 8th grade through college.
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates more...

Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?"
One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury."
But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."
Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast."
Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..."
Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard more...