Move Jokes / Recent Jokes
During camouflage training in Louisianna, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting
general.
"You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes, sir," the soldier answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a woodpecker drilled a hole in my trunk, and I did not move when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my
lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg, and I heard him the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter" - that did it."
May be offensive to Native Americans.
A community of settlers was moving in on an Indian Tribe. Most Indian tribes had a medicine man who was the leader of the tribe. Well the settlers were planning to move the Indians off their land to build a town. The big chief of the Indians did not like it at all. So he decided to go to the settlers and tell them that he was not moving.
The big chief finds one settler and says, "ME BIG CHIEF WANT TO SEE MEDICINE MAN!"
The settler had no idea what the chief was talking about, so he sent him to the pharmacist down the road.
The chief says to the pharmacist,"YOU MEDICINE MAN??"
The pharmacist replies,"yes."
The chief says "ME BIG CHIEF NO MOVE!!" Well the pharmacist thinks that the Indian must be constipated, so he gives him some ex-lax and sends him on his way.
A week later the chief shows up again and says, "ME BIG CHIEF STILL NO MOVE!"
The pharmacist thought about more...
A friend is someone who will help you move. A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a dead body.
After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman.
The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place.
The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things.
While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
The husband came back, with his new girl, and all was bliss for the more...
American businessman was at a pier in a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow-fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while. The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The American then asked the Mexican how he spent the rest of his time. The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor." The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fis hing and, with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several more...
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Apple Corporation Sues Itself.[AP] In a move that has industrial analysts scratching their heads, Apple Computers has filed suit against Apple Computers Corporation. The company claims that Apple has violated the Look and Feel of their own machines which has helped to make the company famous.An Apple Spokesperson stated "This is no joke. If we don't protect our copyrighted interface, everyone will use it and we could lose the exclusive right. So it is in our best interests to sue anyone who uses the Macintosh Look and Feel, including ourselves." The spokesperson says Apple has retained the prestigious LA law firm of Kukla, Fran and Ollie to spearhead the lawsuit. Apple's in house lawyers will defend.Long time Apple observer Ernest Dinklefwat stated that this is a sure sign that Apple has too many lawyers and not enough engineers. more...