Move Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man dies and goes to hell. When he arrives Satan gives him a choice of what eternal punishment he'll be given.
They go to a wall with 3 doors. Satan opens the first door and there are people standing on their heads on blocks of ice.
The man says, "No way, I cant do this punishment." So they move on to the next room.
Satan opens the second door and there are people standing on their heads on a brick floor.
The man says, "No way, that would give me headaches forever." So they move on to the next room.
Satan opens the door and inside there are people sitting in cow manure drinking tea and eating cookies.
The man figures it can't be that bad so he chooses to spend eternity in that room.
Just before Satan closes the door he yells back, "Alrite break time is over! Back on your heads!"

Q. When will my baby move? A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

Some are getting tired of this ongoing saga. Since the media won't give it a rest and move on, we recommend playing the following game during any network or local news shows, "special reports," news magazines (i.e.,Dateline, 20/20, etc), talk shows, or any other appropriate TV shows.

Guaranteed to make watching this story more entertaining or your money back!

Beverages required to play the game: Each player must have a beer handy, a liquor appropriate for pouring shots is also required (tequila or rum is preferred).

RULES OF PLAY

- If a TV announcer says "Castro" everyone in the room must salute with their left hand. The last person to do so must take a shot. If anyone salutes with their right hand accidentally, they also have to take a shot.

- If the photo of the SWAT "gunman" is shown, everyone must act scared. The last person to do so must take a shot and then go into a closet until he is more...

A man was tired of the city life so he decided to move way out in the country where he would have all the room and privacy that he needed. His house was at least 35 miles from everything and everyone. No one ever came to visit and he never went to visit anyone.
After about the sixth month at his new home, he began to get a little lonesome and wondered if he'd really made the right move. That evening while he sat in his rocking chair on his front porch, he noticed someone walking along his long, secluded driveway towards his house. He quickly approached the strange man and asked what he needed.
The stranger stated that he was a neighbor that lived just beyond the far hill and that he was having a party that night and would like to invite him. The man quickly accepted the neighbors offer and was relieved to finally have some company.
Before the neighbor left, he told the man, "You better let me warn you about something. At this party, there's probably going to be more...

NORTH POLE (API) - MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa's summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere.

In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh. The announcement also included a notice that beginning Jan 1, 1997, Christmas and the Reindeer names would be copyrighted by Microsoft. This move was facilitated by the recently acquired MS Court.

Microsoft stated its commitment to "all who have made Christmas great," and vowed to "make licensing of the Christmas and Reindeer names available to all." It is believed that the guidelines for licensing these names, due before Halloween, will be very strict. When asked "Why buy Christmas?" Bill Gates replied "Microsoft has been more...

There was a red head, a blond, and a brunette running from the cops, and they come across an old abandon house. They run inside, and the brunette sees 3 burlap sacks. She picks it up and puts it on over her head, huddles in the corner, and says meow, meow, meow. So the cops come in the house and go up to the bag, and kicked it, and say "it must be a bag of kittens", and they move on. The red head grabs another one of the sacks pulls it over her head, huddles in the corner, and says woof, woof, woof. The cops walk by, and shine the flashlight on them, kicked the bag, and say "it must be a bag of puppies." They move on. The blond grabs the last sack, puts it over her head, and huddles in the corner. She starts saying potatoes, potatoes, potatoes.

IN THE BEGINNING [author unknown]
(To justify God’s ways to the 21st century.)
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said
: Let there be light!
#Enter user id.
: God
#Enter password.
: Omniscient
#Password incorrect. Try again.
: Omnipotent
#Password incorrect. Try again.
: Technocrat
#And God logged on at 12: 01: 00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
: Let there be light!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
: Create light
#Done
: Run heaven and earth
#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12: 02: 00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
#Approx. funds remaining: $92. 50.
#And God logged on at 12: 01: 00 AM, Monday, March 2.
: Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
: Create firmament
#Done.
: Run firmament
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 more...