Mule Jokes / Recent Jokes

God created the mule, and told him, "You will be a mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years."
And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much.Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.God then created themonkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."
And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world istoo much. Please, Lord, give me no than 10 years." And it more...

A guy goes down south to be a farmer because it’s his life long dream. So he buys a piece of land and goes down there. Now all he needs are the animals. So he goes into a store and asks the clerk for a rooster to wake him up every morning.
The clerk says, “We don’t call ‘em roosters, we call ‘em cocks. ”
“Okay” the man says. “I’ll take a cock and a rabbit for the farm. ”
“We pronounce it rubbit says the clerk. ”
“Okay, I’ll take those two things and a mule to carry them home. ”
“We don’t call ‘em mules, we call ‘em asses and every time the ass stops walkin’, just scratch behind his ear. ”
So the man walks out of the store with the three animals. He’s walking home when all of a sudden the mule stops.
The man sees a lady passing by and asks, “Can you hold my cock and rubbit while I scratch my ass? ”

Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’? ” asked the lawyer.
Farmer Brown responded, “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…”
“I didn’t ask for any details, ” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’! ”
Farmer Brown said, “Well I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…”
The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a more...

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.
A farmer replied, “Joe’s mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died. ”
“Well, ” replied the man, “she must have had a lot of friends. ”
“Nope, ” said the farmer, “we all just want to buy his mule. ”

A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground.
A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says.
“Where can I buy one? ” he is asked.
Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars he says.
“I’ll take him, ” says the other man as he counts out the money.
I can’t bring him over today. I don’t work on Sunday morrow OK?
“Sure. ”
The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, “sorry, bad news. ”
I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead.
The city feller says just give me my money back then.
“Can’t, spent it already! ”
“Well… unload the mule then. ”
“What ya gonna do with him? ”
“Raffle him off! ”
“Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule! ”
“Just watch me us! City fellers know a few tricks. ”
One month more...

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head no and mumble a reply.

Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, "The women would say,' What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say,' Yes, it was.' The men would ask,' You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say,' Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"

Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer. Farmer Brown responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine'!" Farmer Brown said, "Well I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please more...