Mum Jokes / Recent Jokes

'Mum,' yelled Johnny from the kitchen,' you know that dish you were always worried that I would break? '' Yes dear, what about it? '' Well your worries are over.'

Day1:
A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum, ”We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I’m blonde, mummy? ”
Mum replies: “yes dear”
Day 2:
“We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I’m blonde, mummy? ”
Mum replies: “yes dear”
Day 3:
“We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I’m a 36DD. Is it because I’m blonde, mummy? ”
Mum replies: “No dear, it’s because your 25.

'Mum, there's a man at the door collecting for the Old Folk's Home. Shall I give him Grandma? '

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.
He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mum, I have something to tell you: I'm gay."

His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay, doesn't that mean you have oral sex with other men?"

The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mum, that's right."

His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around and WHACKED him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about the taste of my cooking again!!!!!"

Mum, does God use the bathroom? No, what a funny question! Then why did Dad say this morning,' Oh, God, are you still in there?'

Mum: Jackie, go outside and play with your whistle. Your father can't read his paper. Jackie: Wow, I'm only eight and I can read it

What do you call two people who do not hesitate to embarrass you in front of your friends?

Mum and Dad!!