Mum Jokes / Recent Jokes
Home - A - Age Jokes "That's an excellent essay for someone your age," said the English teacher. "How about for someone my Mum's age, Miss?" "Welcome to school, Simon," said the nursery school teacher to the new boy. "How old are you?" "I'm not old," said Simon. "I'm nearly new." Miss Jones agreed to be interviewed by Fred for the school magazine. "How old are you, ma'am?" asked Fred. "I'm not going to tell you that," she replied. "But Mr Hill the technical teacher and Mr Hill the geography teacher told me how old they were." "Oh well," said Miss Jones. "I'm the same age as both of them." The poor teacher was not happy when she saw what Fred wrote: Miss Jones, our English teacher, confided in me that she was as old as the Hills. "Now remember, boys and girls," said the science teacher, "you can tell a tree's age by counting the rings in a cross section. One ring more...
Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks.' Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!'
Mum: From now on your going to have free school dinners. Son:But, Mum, I don't want three school dinners, one is more than enough!
A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical."What's wrong?" her mum, (another blonde) asked."My boyfriend's just dropped me!" wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees."No mum," the blonde interrupted. "You don't understand - I can fuck and suck with the best of them, but he says I can't cook!"
A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me a condom. I `m going to my girlfriends for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!"
The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out; he returns and says, "Give me another condom because my girlfriend `s sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says, "Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend `s mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!? During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, "Dear Lord, more...
Tony man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married.
Tony says, "Just for fun, Mum, I'm going to bring over two other female friends in addition to my fianc? e, and you have to try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The next day, Tony brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Mum. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing! You're right, how did you know?"
His mother folds her arms across her chest and says, "I don't like her."