Murphy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Every one's heard Of Murphy's Laws. Well here are some similiar ones:
Dixon's Law: When you're driving behind a slow moving vechile in a no pasing zone; that vehicle will always turn in the same direction at the same intersection you do...
Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.
Law of Airlines: The shorter the time between flights; the greater the distance between gates.
Law of Goverment: The amount of time required to finish any project is equal to the amount of time already spent on it.
Law of Energy: Children have more energy after a hard day of play than they do after a good night's sleep.
One Last Thought... Murphy Was An Optimist!!!

The zoo-keeper traversed the country looking for a suitable mate for his gorilla but couldn't find one. He hit upon a novel idea and went to his local pub and inquired from the landlord if he knew of a big man who would serviced a gorilla for a fee.
The landlord of the pub pointed out Murphy, the hefty Irish navvy, who would do anything for a fee.
The zoo-keeper and Murphy agreed to do the job if three conditions are adhered to:-
1) There will be no abortions
2) She will not hug him
3) All the siblings are brought up as Catholics

Father Murphy was ministering to a man on his deathbed.
"Renounce Satan!" yelled Father Sullivan.

"No!," said the dying man.

"I say, renounce the devil and his works!"
"No way!," the man repeats.

"And why, in the name of all that is holy, not?" asks Father Murphy.

"Because," said the dying man...
"I want to wait until I see where I'm heading before I start pissing anyone off!"

Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed one of his client's jurors to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, fearing the murder charge being brought by the state. The jury was out for days before returning with the verdict:

manslaughter!

Later, as Murphy paid off the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a hard time convincing the other jurors to see things his way.

"Boy, did I!" said the juror. "They kept voting to acquit!"

Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations Friendly fire - isn't. Recoilless rifles - aren't. Suppressive fires - won't. You are not Superman Marines and fighter pilots take note. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. Try to look unimportant the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you. If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready + when you're not. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact. There is no such thing as a perfect plan. Five second fuzes always burn three seconds. There is more...

Paddy and Mick were approaching a pub which had been destroyed by an
IRA bomb only minutes before. As they passed, a head rolled out of the smoldering
ruins and across the pavement before them. Paddy stooped, picked it up and held
it for Mick to see.
"Shure now Mick, isn't this Sean Murphy?"
"No, Paddy, no, it couldn't be. It's an amazin' resemblance, but Murphy
was shorter than that."

Young man Murphy applied for an engineering
position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An
American applied for the same job and both
applicants having the same qualifications were
asked to take a test by the Department manager.
Upon completion of the test both men only missed
one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy
and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've
decided to give the American the job"
Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We
both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland
and me being Irish I should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decision not on the
correct answers, but on the question you missed."
Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer
be better than the other?"
Manager: "Simple, the American put down on
question # 5, "I don't know". You put down
"Neither do I ".