Murphy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Murphy's Law isn't recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.

Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed one of his client's jurors to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, fearing the murder charge being brought by the state. The jury was out for days before returning with the verdict:
Manslaughter!
Later, as Murphy paid off the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a hard time convincing the other jurors to see things his way.
"Boy, did I!" said the juror. "They kept voting to acquit!

Murphy's Laws Of Parenting...A child will not spill on a dirty floor.A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came first, the chicken or the egg. It was undoubtedly the rooster.A young child is a noise with dirt on it.A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.Celibacy is not hereditary.Familiarity breeds children.For adult education, nothing beats children.God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once and God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.Having children will turn you into your parents.If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.Insanity is inherited; you get it from more...

Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and travelled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, "Where are we now?" The guide said, "We're in the great state of Texas." "It's a big place," said Murphy. The guide said, "It's so big, that your County Kerry would fit into the smallest corner of it." And Murphy said, "Yes, and wouldn't it do wonders for Texas!"

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to Heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to Heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to Heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to Heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100, 000. 00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, "Where are we now?" The guide said, "We're in the great state of Texas." "It's a big place," said Murphy. The guide said, "It's so big, that your County Kerry would fit into the smallest corner of it." And Murphy said, "Yes, and wouldn't it do wonders for it!"

Murphy was an optimist.

My client(sponsor/customer) doesn`t know what he wants.

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

Nature is a mother.

Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can.

Needs are a function of what other people have.

Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.

Never ask the barber if you need a haircut or a salesman if his is a good price.

Never be first to do anything.

Never be last.