Musical Jokes / Recent Jokes
MUSICAL OFFENSES FINE
* Playing loudly during warm up $10
* Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
* Loud cursing after mistake $10
* Playing high and fast after mistake $20
* Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
* Asking for "E" tuning note $25
* Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
* Playing written-out walking line $50
* Failure to play written walking line $75
* Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
* Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
* Playing eighth notes $5 each
* Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
* Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
* Dragging fast tempo $75
* Dragging ballad tempo $100
* Blacking out during ballad $200
* Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
* Following drummer's tempo $250
* Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000
What's musical and holds gallons and gallons of beer? A barrel organ.
Stallone, Tony Danza, and Arnold Swarzanagger are all going to be in a musical about famous composers. Stallone wants to be Mozart, Danza says he'll be Bethoven, and Swarzanagger says "I'll be Bach!"
An actor auditioned for a part in a musical comedy many years ago. The director was impressed with the young man's talent. He could dance, he could sing, he had perfect comic timing.
The director asked the young man his name.
"Penis van Lesbian," the man replied proudly.
"Well," said the director, "we'll have to change that."
"Oh," the young man said, "I could never change my name. It's my heritage."
"Well," said the director, "if you're not willing to change your name, you'll never go anywhere in show business."
The young man left the theater dejectedly.
A couple of years later, the director and the young man happened to meet on the street.
"Do you remember me," asked the young man?
"Yes, I do," said the director. "I almost cast you once for a musical comedy. What have you been up to."
"Well, I finally took your advice," the young man more...
An actor auditioned for a part in a musical comedy many years ago. The director was impressed with the young man's talent. He could dance, he could sing, he had perfect comic timing.The director asked the young man his name."Penis van Lesbian," the man replied proudly."Well," said the director, "we'll have to change that.""Oh," the young man said, "I could never change my name. It's my heritage.""Well," said the director, "if you're not willing to change your name, you'll never go anywhere in show business."The young man left the theater dejectedly. A couple of years later, the director and the young man happened to meet on the street."Do you remember me," asked the young man?"Yes, I do," said the director. "I almost cast you once for a musical comedy. What have you been up to.""Well, I finally took your advice," the young man said. "I changed my name and I have been more...
A man once walked into a shop which sold musical instruments and bought a very expensive mouthorgan. As the shopkeeper wrapped up the purchase he said, `You know is this is quite amazing. We normally don`t sell many mouth organs, but this is the second one I`ve sold today. `Oh,` said the customer, `that must have been our Monka.`