Musician Jokes / Recent Jokes

Trumpet: If the trumpet is your name then flying is your game. Your music can be hard work, but let yourself soar, because intelligence is your strong point and slaking is your weak. I suggest keeping your eye out for everyone because the trumpet position is a well desired spotlight. Compatibility: Flutes, clarinets, oboes, bassoons and bass clarinets are A-OK! But saxophones are your nightmare.

French horn: Playing the French horn can be demanding work, but your quiet personality can overcome. Whether its blowing through the mellophone, or triple tonguing your concert solo........ French horns........ our hats off to you. Like the bass clarinets, you have no enemies, so smile, and I hope that made your day.
Compatibility: Who wouldn't love ya?!

Trombones: Well trombones. I must say you are very determined people. You should hold your head with pride because the trombone is a tricky instrument to master, and if you've played on into high school then you are more...

Baritones: If you play the baritone then you are most likely strong, smart, out-going, open-minded and misunderstood. Unfortunately the baritone is the only brass instrument that is not included in a orchestra. For that we're sorry, the baritone has earned its right there. Your enemy is most likely the trombones, they just don't know it. Keep your senses keen! Compatibility: Like the trombones, stay away from other low brass. But! Bass clarinets, French horns and saxophones are OK.

Tubas: If you play this "umpa, umpa" then you are most likely to be like the bass clarinets. Out-going, "wild" and open minded. Congratulations, you've strived to be different in this world. Not only that but if you play this monstrosity of a horn then you are probably in good shape. As far as your enemies I would say it would be the entire woodwind section, because it is your mission and goal in life to over play them in band. But of course the bass clarinets and saxophones more...

A senile old man started walking through town everyday in hopes of seeing interesting new things...
On the first day, he saw a restaurant offering elephant ear sandwiches. He said to himself, "That's interesting. I'll go back home now."
The next day, he walked along and suddenly found a dog that swallowed a cow in one gulp. "That's enough for today", he said.
The very next day, he heard strangely melodic, low pitched music. He slowly walked around the corner and found a tenor sax player practicing. He said to himself, "okay Harold, you need to go home now. Too much excitement has you hallucinating!"

A man has been trapped on an island for several years when he sees a small wake in the water. After a time, a lovely lady scubadiver rises from the surf. She walks to the man and exclaims, " You must be miserable, how long has it been since you have had a great smoke?"
While the deranged man stammered for an answer, the lovely lady unzips the side pocket on her sleeve, and produces a Cuban cigar.
She gazes into the now-smoking man's face and whispers, "and how long has it been since you have had a real drink"?
Again the man stammers as she unzips her other sleeve to produce a flask of ancient Brandy.
As she teasingly unzips the main zipper to her wetsuit, she asks, "And how long has it been since you have known real pleasure?"
The man scrambles to his feet and yells "Oh my gosh, you don't really have a SAXOPHONE in there do ya?"

Four cowboys are sitting on a mountain one night having a few cold ones around a campfire, one a tuba player, one a trumpet player, one a conductor and the other a horn player.
The tuba player tosses an empty can of Budweiser into the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it declaring "I just killed the king of beers!".
The trumpet player, not wanting to be outdone, tosses his empty can of Coors into the air, shoots it and declares "Ha! I just shot the silver bullet!".
The horn player, ever so suave, reaches into his pack, pulls out a bottle of Michelob, calmly drinks the whole thing, tosses his bottle into the air and shoots the conductor. Grinning broadly at his fellow players he says "Guys, it just doesn't get any better than this.".

#10. A musical instrument.
# 9. A floatation device.
# 8. Something flute players can't keep their hands off.
# 7. A mirror.
# 6. Punishment. (freshmen + Kieth carry heavy tubas all year)
# 5. A battering ram
# 4. A chair.
# 3. Babe Magnet
# 2. Trash Can (freshmen + Kieth's tubas)
# 1. Storage Container for music, field show charts, soda, food, tools, towels, and koosh balls!!

An orchestra is rehearsing a piece in which the tuba has a solo after 84 bars rest. At the point where the tuba should start the solo, nothing happens. So, the conductor stops and asks the tuba player why he didn't play. "I have 84 bars rest," says the tubist.
To which the conductor replies, "But we are past those 84 bars already".
The tubist: "How should I know that?".
The conductor replies, "You can count, can't you?".
The tubist: "Do you call that rest?"