Musician Jokes / Recent Jokes

10. It's better than playing bagpipes.
9. When you play, people listen.
8. During rehearsal you get to sit in the back of the room.
7. During marching practice you can use the bell to block out the sun.
6. People hold doors open for you.
5. You don't have to wear those silly hats.
4. Many girls do prefer guys with large instruments.
3. You can say "Here comes Niagra..." right before emptying your tuning slide.
2. You'll never be blamed for being the one with the squeaky reed.
1. BECAUSE I PLAY TUBA!!!!

A guitarist dies and is quite please to find that he ends up standing before the pearly gates of Guitar Heaven. St. Peter shows him in, and gives him a guided tour.
"This is Stevie Ray's room here..." says Peter, and the guitarist is saying "Wow! Stevie Ray!"
"And this is Jimi's room..." and the guitarist is totally over the moon.
Finally Peter shows the guitarist to his own room. Before Peter leaves, he says to him, "I have to ask. Is Yngwie here?" Peter shakes his head sadly and says "I'm afraid he went... the "other" way..."
The guitarist is disappointed but goes to his room and tries to get some sleep. He is woken up in the middle of the night by someone playing a really fast harmonic minor lick - and it sounds just like Yngwie. He presses his ear to the wall, and listens more closely. Someone in the next room is playing really fast neo-classical shreds through what sounds very much like a vintage more...

Late one day a local pub saw six guys walk in, obviously in pairs of two, sit down and order their favorite after-work drinks.

The first two to seat themselves and be served by the bartender were two guys working at a major university whose I. Q. s were so high they could hardly be measured! They began discussing from Quantum Mechanics to the fine points of Particle Physics, either one as brilliantly as the other.

The bartender then went over to the next pair who were "regular guys" with ordinary jobs, withaverage I. Q. s, schmoozing about how hard it was today to keep up with bill payments, how hightaxes were, how corrupt politicians were and all the day-to-day struggles most everyone has.

The last two the bartender served were two very badly educated, ill-mannered dolts with very low I. Q. s that could barely be measured on any I. Q. test. As soon as they'd ordered the bartender overheard one say to the other, "Oh, hey, I meant to ask more...

Two drummers walk into a bar. . . which is funny' cause you would think the second one would have seen it coming!!

Shouldn't we go back for the drummer?
Oh no you don't! It's my turn to clean the bathroom.
Checkmate!
Go roll' em down the aisle all you want. They're only cymbals.
So, I just walked her home, kissed her goodnight, and came back to the bus.
No, the monitor mix was perfect. I just screwed up.
Twenty percent? Our manager should get at least 30 percent!!
Why is there porno in the VCR?
Can you believe all the money we're getting?
Boy, I can't wait till we get to Omaha!
No thanks, I don't want another beer.
Ladies, I need to see some proof of age please.

Lute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune.

How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.