Muslim Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Muslim dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter meets him at the gate and says, "Welcome to heaven my son, please enter!"
The Muslim says "Oh no, no, I cannot enter without seeing Allah." St. Peter says, "Oh... Allah. He is upstairs."
The Muslim says, "Well of course, Allah is upstairs!" He climbs upstairs and meets Jesus.
Jesus says "Welcome to heaven my child, please enter!" And the Muslim says "Oh no, no, with all due respect, I cannot enter without seeing Allah."
Jesus says "But of course...Allah is upstairs, top floor."
The Muslim smiles and thinks to himself, "Of course, Allah is on top of heaven itself because He is most high!"
At the final gate he meets the all mighty Lord himself who says "Welcome to heaven my child, please enter."
As expected, the Muslim says he cannot enter without meeting Allah, to which the Lord replies "I understand, more...

There was three guys walking down a street.
One was a Christian, the second was a Muslim and the third was a Hindu. They heard a startling noise as they turned around, they realized that there was a flood and it was coming right for them. So what do they do they start to pray.
The christian guy said, "Jesus oh Father I need your help please save me."
So he was saved.
The Muslim guy started to pray, "Oh Allah I need your help please save me."
So he was saved.
Then the hindu guy said ok they were saved and they only have one god, and I have soo many I will be saved faster than them.
So the Hindu guy prayed, "Oh Mata Ji, and "

Once upon a time, there was one english man was walking. Suddenly he saw one morron, hindu and a muslim. He asked hindu "what is your favourite flower" hindu replied "lotus" "ha, i clean my shit with that" "chameli" replied muslim "ha i clean my shit with that" he asked morron "what is your favourite flower" "cactus"

UK: prison toilets rebuilt to face away from Mecca

Jail bosses are rebuilding toilets so Muslim inmates don’t have to use them while facing Mecca...Muslim lags claimed they have had to sit sideways on prison WCs. But after pressure from faith leaders the Home Office has agreed to turn the existing toilets 90 degrees at HMP Brixton in London.


Do you realize what this means? It means that Islam isn't nearly as repressive as we thought it was: Muslims are actually allowed to take a shit!

At least the men are.

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim were having a discussion about who was the most religious.
"I was riding my camel in the middle of the Sahara," exclaimed the Muslim. Suddenly a fierce sandstorm appeared from nowhere. I truly thought my end had come as I lay next to my camel while we being buried deeper and deeper under the sand. But I did not lose my faith in the Almighty Allah, I prayed and prayed and suddenly, for a hundred metres all around me, the storm had stopped. Since that day I am a devout Muslim and am now learning to recite the Koran by memory."
"One day while fishing," started the Christian," I was in my little dinghy in the middle of the ocean. Suddenly a fierce storm appeared from nowhere. I truly thought my end had come as my little dinghy was tossed up and down in the rough ocean. But I did not lose my faith in Jesus Christ, I prayed and prayed and suddenly, for 300 metres all around me, the storm had stopped. Since that day I am a more...

There was a muslim and a christian in an aeroplane. The engines and the two decide to jump knowing they may die. anyway the Muslim jumps and as he is falling recites, "Oh Allah please save. Please save me!"
A big blak hand swoops down, picks him up and places him safely on the ground.
the christian sees this and decides to do the same. He recites,"Oh Allah please save. Please save me!"
Again, a big black hand swoops down and safely places him on the ground. Then the christian stands up, dusts himself off and says,"Thank God for that!!"
Then a big black foot comes down and squashes him to death.

There was three guys walking down a street.
One was a Christian, the second was a Muslim and the third was a Hindu. They heard a startling noise as they turned around, they realized that there was a flood and it was coming right for them. So what do they do they start to pray.
The christian guy said, "Jesus oh Father I need your help please save me."
So he was saved.
The Muslim guy started to pray, "Oh Allah I need your help please save me."
So he was saved.
Then the hindu guy said ok they were saved and they only have one god, and I have soo many I will be saved faster than them.
So the Hindu guy prayed, "Oh Mata Ji, and "