Muslim Jokes / Recent Jokes

Police gaffe makes Muslims pray in wrong direction



A Dutch police station trying to help Muslim detainees face Mecca for their prayers painted arrows in cells pointing in the wrong direction...Muslims pray five times a day, facing east in the direction of Mecca. But the arrows in Segbroek pointed west.

"This is a really gigantic, stupid blunder," a police spokesman told the De Telegraaf. "The faulty compass marks have been immediately corrected. It is a mystery for us how this could have possibly happened".

I think Theo Van Gogh was just having some fun.

Regardless, what does it matter if they're facing eastward or westward? As long as they pray downwards, they're facing their paradise.

Long, but really funny... from a Company in USA. DATE: October 01, 2003RE: Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1: 00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. 00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family. Patty =============================================================== FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 02, 2003 RE: Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our more...

I often wonder
what happens, when a municipal van
picks up a body, and disposes it off.
What if a Muslim is cremated, or a Hindu buried?
Would the Muslim's soul be compelled to the unseemly peregrinations
of successive rebirth? And the Hindu's itinerant spirit
confined to a suffocating grave till Day of Judgement?
Perhaps Allah and Ishwar have a treaty
on what to do with irregular cases.

From AP:

Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama tried to reassure Jewish voters concerned about his Muslim ties...

Speaking to the National Jewish Democratic Council, the Illinois senator said his experience living in Indonesia [where Jews aren't allowed] for four years as a child and his ability to speak to Muslims could make him a better president.

"If I go to Jakarta and address the largest Muslim country on earth, I can say,'Apa kabar,' -- you know,'How are you doing?' -- and they can recognize that I understand their common humanity," Obama said.

What this reassurance would have sounded like during our previous great war, World War II:

...the Illinois senator said his experience living in Austria for four years as a child and his ability to speak to Austrians could make him a better president.

"If I go to Vienna, I can say,'Heil Hitler,' -- you know,'How are you doing?' -- and they can recognize that I more...

There were three guys in a hot tub, one was an asian, one was a muslim, and the other was a white guy.
They were all sitting there when the white guy heard a ringing noise and looked over to the muslim guy pushing buttons on his hand.
"hey" asked the white guy . "What are you doing?"
The muslim guy answered "oh, i got a chip put in my hand so my cell phone is planted in my hand."
"oh, thats cool, " said the white guy.
Then they were all kicking back when the white guy heard a beeping, and looked over to the asian guy pushing buttons in his wrist.
"what are you doing?" asked the white guy
"oh, i had a chip put in my wrist so my pager is planted into my wrist."
"oh thats cool, " said the white guy.
then the white guy got up to use the restroom because he had to go shit real bad.when he came back the muslim guy asked, "whats that?", "oh, " said the white guy more...

Several businesses in England have banned the British flag for fear of violent Muslim reactions, after an extremist group leveled warnings that the flag's red cross reminds Muslims of the Crusades. This is slightly more insane than my refusal to use the microwave because ovens remind me of the Holocaust.
Meanwhile, the Baltimore County Muslim Council is demanding that public schools remove Jewish holidays from the school calendar unless they're ready to give days off for Muslim holy days as well. It's a predictable development, of course. Soon enough, Holocaust education at schools will change too, taking into account Muslim sensitivities. After all, Hitler may seem like a villain to little Shlomo, but little Qudsia may see things differently.

Did you hear about the new muslim air mattress?
It blows itself up.