Naked Jokes / Recent Jokes

A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die. They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died.
After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that they were not going to be rescued. They prayed a lot (of course), and they discussed their predicament in great depth. Finally the priest said to the nun, "you know sister, I am about to die, and there's always been one thing I've wanted here on earth-to see a woman naked. Would you mind taking off your clothes so I can look at you?"
The nun thought about his request for several seconds and then agreed to take off her clothes. As she was doing so, she remarked, "well, Father, now that I think about it, I've never seen a man naked, either. Would you mind taking off your clothes, too?"
With little hesitation, the priest also stripped. Suddenly more...

Adivasis of a district approached their Member of Parliament and said,' Our Pradhan Mantri has visited every part of the country but has never been to see us. You are our representative, you must get him to visit us here.'
The MP demurred. He was a member of the Opposition and was hardly expected to invite the Prime Minister. But the Adivasis insisted that he get the Pradhan Mantri somehow or the other. Then the wily MP thought of a way out:' You see, the Prime Minister likes to dress in the costumes of the people he visits. Most of you go naked. So even if he agrees to come here, what should I tell him about what he should wear?'

When a blonde man arrived home from work early, he heard strange noises coming from the bedroom.
Rushing upstairs, he found his wife laying on the bed naked, panting and sweating. "What's wrong, honey?" he asked.
"I think I'm having a heart attack," she cried.
He ran downstairs, grabbed the phone and just as he was beginning to dial, his four year old son ran up to him and exclaimed, "Daddy! Uncle Ted is upstairs hiding in your closet and he has no clothes on!"
The man dropped the phoned, stormed back upstairs, ran right past his screaming wife and pulled the closet door open.
Just as his son had said, there was his brother cowering in the corner, totally naked.
"You lousy bastard!" screamed the husband. "My wife is having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

The year is 2050 and Bill Gates has recently died. He goes
to God and God says to him," Would you like to go to Heaven or
Hell?" Bill isn't sure so he asks for a preview of both. First
God takes him to Hell. Bill sees fancy cars, piles of money,
and naked Playboy models. Then God takes him to Heaven. All
Bill sees are fat, naked babies with wings floating around.
Bill decides to go to Hell. God says he will check on him in a
week. A week later, God goes to Hell and finds Bill burning
under the Devil's torch. Bill says to God," Where are the cars,
money, and women?" God replies," That was just a screen saver!"

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food.
And each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.
One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "Wow. I can't believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction."
The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "I think you're hallucinating and you should come down right now."
So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just actually seen a naked blonde woman floating face up... headed toward their island. The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking his friend had surely lost his mind. But within a few minutes, up to their beach floated a naked blonde woman, face up, and totally unconscious.
The two lawyers went over to her and discovered, yes she was alive. One said more...

A husband walks into Frederick's of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself." So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"

Women's Snappy Comebacks: Man: ="Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man: ="Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." Man: = "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down." Man: = "So, wanna go back to my place? " Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" Man: = "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." Man: = "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: = "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too." Man: = "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator." Man: = "What sign were you born under?" Woman: "No Parking." Man: = "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" more...