Naked Jokes / Recent Jokes

Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down." Man: "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too." Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator." Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not Enter"Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized! "Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason." Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some more...

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.

You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

A Kid was walking to the bathroom, when he saw through the slightly open door, his mother was in there. She was buck naked and looking into the mirror while rubbing her breasts and moaning "I want a man. I NEED a man!".
The next day, the same thing happens: the kid is about to enter the bathroom and sees his mother rubbing her naked body in front of the mirror "I want a man. I NEED a man"
But the next day, when the kid is on the way to the bathroom, his passes his mother's bedroom, where some guy is humping her while she screams "I got a man, OH GOD, I got a man!!".
The kid immediately runs to the bathroom, stripping off his clothes on the way, then stands in front of the mirror rubbing his body saying "I want a bicycle. I NEED a bicycle!"....

There was a man walking through the forest in China. He came up on a old house he rang the door bell and an old man answered. The man told him that he was out lost in the jungle for 3 days and couldnt find away out of the forest, and he asked if he could stay there for a while.The old man argreed that he could if he didn't sleep with his grand daughter, because if he did there would be 3 of the worst chinese tortures inflicted upon him.So the old man took him upstairs to his room, but on the way the man caught a glimpse of the grand daughter naked and, with sure strive he made it to his room on the 2nd floor. About an hour later the grand daughter came in butt naked and they ended up sleeping together.When he woke the next mourning he found a rock on his chest under it was a card it read 1ST Chinese torture rock on chest. So the man picked up the rock and threw it out the window. Under the card he found another card which read 2nd Chinese torture left nutt tied to rock.So the man more...

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."

"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"Yep," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say... should we get naked?"

Sure enough, the two stripped down to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady replied breathlessly, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"

"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.

A man decided to buy a new telescope for his hunting rifle. He goes to a rifle shop and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill. ” The man takes a look through the scope and starts laughing.
“What’s so funny? ” asks the clerk.
“I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house, ” the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, “Here are two bullets, I’ll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife’s head off and shoot the guy’s pecker off. ”
The man takes another look through the scope, and says, “You know what? I think I can do that with one shot! ”