Names Jokes / Recent Jokes

The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week.
He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name.
They came up with about 40 names.
He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.
One lad raised his hand and said, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13."

A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says “oh my, you have such beautiful dogs.. what are their names? ”
The blonde replies “Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex. ”
The man responds “Huh.. that’s interesting.. why did you name them such names? ”
The blonde sighs and shakes her head “Everyone keeps asking me the same thing… duhh, what else can you name your watch dogs?? ”

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided you share of the work is done enough to keep the job going in your absence. YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks more...

A math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks it's wrong, but also because he doesn't want to be sanctioned for aiding and abetting.
His classmate calms him down: "Nobody will be able to trace my homework to you: I'll be changing the names of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on."
Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his completed assignment to the classmate for copying.
After the deadline, the student asks: "Did you really change the names of all the variables?"
"Sure!" the classmate replies. "When you called a function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the timber of x+1...".

There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them. You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes. You have a' Singer Brother' sewing machine at home. Your mother has a minor disagreement with her (or your dad's) sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years. You call an older person you've never met before "uncle". You hide everything from your parents. Your mother does everything for you if you are male. You do all the housework and cooking if you are female. Your relatives alone could populate a small city. Everyone is a family friend. Everyone always called you for help on homework. You read law, medicine or engineering at university. You were thick (i. e. stupid) so you studied accounting or business instead. You know no one who has studied music. You went to a university as far away from home as possible. You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished. Your best friend got married at the age of 16. You only make telephone calls after more...

It has been said that the way you make up your name for when you become a porn star is to take the name of your first pet plus the first street you lived on. A random sampling of "normal" people gives the following "porn star" names:

Kitty Rollingwood
Hammie Lincoln
Peanuts Seventh
Tux Bouldier
Birdie Willow
Velvet First
Smokie Briar Rose
Pandora Sarvis Berry

Try it!

It was early morning at an Army camp and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper:
"Ames"
"Here!"
"Jenson"
"Here!"
"Jones"
"Here!"
"Magersky"
"Here!"
"Seeback"
" - "
"Seeback!"
" - "
"SEEBACK!!!"
" - "
At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant's ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side.