Naughty Jokes / Recent Jokes

What did the bee say to the naughty bee? Bee-hive yourself!

Have you ever worked in an office where someone insisted upon listening to their voice mail using the speakerphone (at full volume, naturally)? It can really begin to bother you after a while.
I found a fairly easy fix for that, though. I have my wife call his desk when he's not there and leave a message like, "Hi, this is Candy from 1-900-HOT-BABE. You haven't paid for the 'toys' we sent you, you naughty, naughty boy. You wouldn't want me to come over there and spank you, now would you?"
It is the last time you hear that particular speakerphone, I can assure you.

1. Stand in front of a supermarket wearing a Santa suit, ringing
a bell and wishing everyone a Happy Hanukkah.

2. Wrap yourself in swaddling clothes and lay in the manger of the neighbor's nativity scene.

3. Put on a Santa suit and open a mall kiosk that sells reindeer
jerky and Easter Bunny filets.

4. Call Park Rangers in your area and tell them Rudolph is sick.
Ask if you can borrow one of their reindeers. If they tell you
no, then yell at them telling them they are heartless bastards for ruining Christmas for all the children around the world.

5. Wear a Santa suit to the nearest red light district and stand on the corner saying "Ho!" as women walk by.

6. Get a job as a mall Santa and then tell all the children that they've been naughty and won't be getting any presents this year.

7. Create snow sculptures in your yard of snowmen in suggestive poses.

8. Buy a package of more...

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen."What's wrong dearest??" asked the confused husband."Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bedm, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do???""Well," replied the man..."I guess a spanking is out of the question?"

What happened to the naughty little witch at school? She was ex-spelled.

BUSH LEGAL TEAM SUES SANTA CLAUS
By S. Artist Reuters
AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush
filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus
from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint
seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon,
asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of
checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time
before packing his sleigh.
The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas,
asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and
desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and
certify the original list as submitted, without amendment,
alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification."
"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is
nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more more...

The Naughty Schoolboy by Enid Spanking