Neighbour Jokes

One person from Utter Pradesh (UP) was in Mysore for about four years and his wife in Jaunpur (UP).

At the end of four years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this happened when our friend was in Mysore and his wife in Jaunpur.

He said it is common in UP that neighbours take care of the wife (good samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked, "What name will you give to the son?"

To which he replied: "If it's the first neighbour who has taken care, then the name would be PAHLAJ.

If it's the second neighbour, then the name would be DWIVEDI, if it is the third neighbour then it would be TRIVEDI, if it is the fourth neighbour then it would be CHATURVEDI and if it's the fifth neighbour PANDEY.

After listening to this, questions followed and what if it is a mixture of more...

A MAN was hauled up in court for beating his neighbour. The magistrate demanded:' Did you beat up your neighbour?'
'Yes, Your Honour, he called me a Punjabi rascal.'
'So what?'
'Your Honour, if he had called you a Bengali or Madrasi rascal, or the type of rascal you really are, wouldn't you have beaten him up?'

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbour to report that
her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.
She said, "He is 36 years old, 183 cm high, has brown eyes, brown hair, an
athletic body, weighs 75 kg, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbour protested, "Your husband is 57 years old, about 160 cm,
chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants him back?"

An old farmer is outside for a walk around his land when he sees a sign on his neighbour's lawn;' Horse for Sale'. Curious, he decides to have a look-see. As he approaches his neighbour's stable, he sees his old Italian friend brushing down a fine-looking stallion.

'Hello friend, I saw your sign out there and came over to see your horse for sale.' Now, the Italian farmer speaks very poor English, but manages to answer well enough.' Yep, yep, disa is da horse for-a sale.'

'This horse here?' quizzes the old farmer,' Why he's a fine horse! Why-ever would you sell him?'

'Well,' sighs the Italian farmer,' He no looka so good anymore.'

The old farmer, convinced that his neighbour has lost his mind, makes the sale and leads the horse across his field over to the stable. As he taps the horse gently on the back to coax him into the stable, he watches as the horse misses the door completely and smacks head first into the wall.' That ol' more...

Little Nancy was in the backyard filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the girl was up to he asks, "What are you up to there Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your f****g cat!"