Newcastle Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Australian, an Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar; a man. The three men kept looking over at this other man, for he seemed somewhat familiar.
They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, when suddenly the Irishman cried out, "My God, I know who that man is! It's Jesus!"
The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.
The Irishman call out, "Hey, you!!! Are you Jesus?"
The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head.
"Yes, I am Jesus," he replies.
The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me."
So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table. Jesus looks over, raises his glass to the men, smiles a thank you and drinks up.
The Englishman then calls out, "Errr, excuse more...

"Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams"
- Kilmarnock fans to the Rangers keeper after he had been diagnosed with mild schizophrenia
"I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones."
- Chris Turner, Peterborough manager, before LC QF, 1992
"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
- George Best
"If we played like that every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent."
- Bryan Robson, Man Utd, 1990
"That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on."
- John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.
"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs."
- Andy Gray, Sky Sport
Richard Keys: "Well Roy, do you think that you'll have to finish above Manchester United to win the more...

An Australian, an Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar; a man. The three men kept looking over at this other man, for he seemed somewhat familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, when suddenly the Irishman cried out, "My God, I know who that man is! It's Jesus!"The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table. The Irishman call out, "Hey, you!!! Are you Jesus?"The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head."Yes, I am Jesus," he replies. The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me." So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table. Jesus looks over, raises his glass to the men, smiles a thank you and drinks up.The Englishman then calls out, "Errr, excuse me, Sir, but would you be Jesus?" Jesus more...