Nobody Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them. He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"Nobody answered him. He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"Again nobody answered. The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish." So the Indian asked again,"Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"To which the littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff."The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?"The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!"

A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God's existence. The professor presented the following logic:
"Has anyone in this class heard God?" Nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class touched God?" Again, nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class seen God?"
When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, "Then there is no God."
One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to reply. Curious to hear this bold student's response, the professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:
"Has anyone in this class heard our professor's brain?" Silence.
"Has anyone in this class touched our professor's brain?" Absolute silence.
"Has anyone in this class seen our professor's brain?"
When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, "Then, according to our professor's more...

In the land of Copper Sand there were four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody
and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody
would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that,
because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized
that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody
did what Anybody could have.
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(c) Los Angeles Times Syndicate and Creators Syndicate 1/6

Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring.

"There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice," said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. "Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach."

"That's nothing compared to what my Anna does for me," declared Mrs. Jones proudly. "Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami, and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private guest house."

Mrs. Smith sat back with a proud smile. "Nobody loves her mother like my Jackie does, nobody." "So what does she do?" asked the two women, turning to her. "Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour - just to talk about me!"

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano! Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about Gods existence. The professor presented the following logic:"Has anyone in this class heard God?" Nobody spoke."Has anyone in this class touched God?" Again, nobody spoke."Has anyone in this class seen God?" When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, "Then there is no God."One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to reply. Curious to hear this bold students response, the professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:"Has anyone in this class heard our professors brain?" Silence."Has anyone in this class touched our professors brain?" Silence."Has anyone in this class seen our professors brain?" When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, "Then, according to our professor s logic, it must be true that our professor has no more...

Yogi Berra Quotes"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours." "Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical." "If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna stop them." "No wonder nobody comes here; it's too crowded." "We made too many wrong mistakes." "You can observe a lot by just watching." "I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4." - Yogi Berra