Nobody Jokes / Recent Jokes

A tomcat told a female cat, "For you, I would die."
The female asked, "How many times?"
Then there was the young female dinosaur who became a "woman." She had her first century.
A donkey had an IQ of 186. He had no friends at all though. Even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass.
Did y'all ever wonder why mice have such small balls?
Easy - very few of them can dance at all.
A Mother mouse and her baby were walking by a cave when a bat flew out. "Look Ma!" said the youngster, "An Angel."
You always hear that a camel can go 500 miles without water. How come nobody's ever bothered to see how far they can go WITH water.
A young teen studying sex education went to the zoo and saw her first kangaroo. As she was watching, a baby kangaroo stuck its head out of the Mother's pouch.
"Just as I suspected," the girl said to herself. "Caesareans do leave a nasty scar."
You've all more...

Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore. It's too crowded.

Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better.

Ever since man crawled out of the primordial ooze, he has built himself structures to contain the processes of bodily waste removal. These have been known as "restrooms," "bathrooms," "outhouses," "commodes," "men's rooms," and several other names. As with any exclusive organization, wholly half the human race aren't allowed through the door, and a number of exceedingly complicated customs have arisen to maintain a sense of order and dignity. General rules: 1. Don't talk to somebody you don't know. You may chat quietly with an acquaintance, but must absolutely not call attention to yourself. 2. A quick glance in the mirror is permissible, but absolutely don't spend a significant time arranging hair, clothing, etc. Zit popping is only permissible after checking to see nobody else is around. 3. No profanity of any kind. This is reserved for locker rooms, only. 4. If you must wait, form a single-file line, ragged, and be sure to keep more...

There's a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs sitting by a lake. Several beautiful women are running laps around it and the man decides to use his disability to get affection from one of them. The next time one runs by him, the man calls to her:
"Excuse me Sweetheart, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you hug me?"
She looks around to make sure nobody's watching, leans down, and hugs him.
The man thinks, "Wow, I can't believe that worked!", and decides to try it again.
Another woman runs by him, and he calls out to her: "Excuse me Darling, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you kiss me?"
She looks around to make sure nobody is watching, leans down and gives him a kiss.
The man is amazed at how well this is working out for him!
The next time a woman runs by, he calls out to her: " Excuse me Beautiful, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you f**k me?"
The woman looks around to make sure more...

There's a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs sitting by a lake. Several beautiful women are running laps around it and the man decides to use his disability to get affection from one of them. The next time one runs by him, the man calls to her: "Excuse me Sweetheart, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you hug me?"She looks around to make sure nobody's watching, leans down, and hugs him.The man thinks, "Wow, I can't believe that worked!", and decides to try it again.Another woman runs by him, and he calls out to her: "Excuse me Darling, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you kiss me?"She looks around to make sure nobody is watching, leans down and gives him a kiss.The man is amazed at how well this is working out for him! The next time a woman runs by, he calls out to her: " Excuse me Beautiful, I have no arms and I have no legs. Will you f**k me?"The woman looks around to make sure nobody's watching her, leans down, picks the more...

You don't have to hide your fishing magazines.
It's perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to fish with
you once in
a while.
Your fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you
fished with long
ago.
It's perfectly respectable to fish with a total stranger.
When you see a really good fisher person, you don't have to
feel guilty
about imagining the two of you fishing in boat
together.
If your regular fishing partner isn't available, he/she
won't object if
you fish with someone else.
Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you fish
by yourself.
You can have a fishing calendar on your wall at the office,
tell fishing
jokes, and invite co-workers to fish with you
without getting sued for
harassment.
There are no fishing-transmitted diseases.
If you want to watch fishing on television, you don't have
to subscribe
to the Playboy channel.
Nobody expects you to fish with more...