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One afternoon, there was this good witch who was flying along, when all of a sudden, she heard this soft crying from down below. When she landed, she saw this yellow frog. Touched by his sadness, the witch asked why he was crying.
"Sniff. None of the other frogs will let me join in all their frog games. Boo hoo."
"Don't cry, little one.", replied the witch, and with a wave of her magic wand, the frog turned green. All happy now, the frog was checking himself over when he noticed that his penis was still yellow. He asked an embarrassed witch about this, and she told him that there were some things that she just couldn't do, but if he saw the wizard, he'd fix things up for him.
So happily, the little green frog hippity-hopped along his merry way.
Feeling quick happy about herself, the witch once more took to the skies, and once again, she heard some crying, but this time of a thunderous sort. So down to the ground she flew only to discover a pink more...

This old man and old woman (husband and wife) die and go to heaven. There, St. Peter gives them the grand tour of their new home. It's a HUGE mansion with a limo driver, gardener, etc.
The old man exclaims, "That's ours?"
St. Peter says "Yes, it is yours, forever and ever."
The old man is a little suspicious and says, "How much is the rent?"
St. Peter says, "It is free. After all, this is heaven."
Across the street is an expansive golf course with beautifully manicured lawn, interesting layout, and fun golf carts.
St. Peter says, "You can play here whenever you want."
The old man says, "What are the green fees?"
St. Peter replies, "None. After all, this is heaven."
The old man is very impressed. They go inside the house and on the dining room table is a gigantic feast with roasted meats, desserts, fine wine and all the fixings.
The old man says, "How many more...

Q: How many battery chickens does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 21. 1 to change the bulb, and 20 to provide the current.

Q: How many elephants does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, but it has to be a pretty big light bulb!

Q: Why did the lightbulb cross the road?
A: Because it saw 2 elephants coming.

Q: How many televangelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. They screw in hotel rooms.

Q: How many gas fitters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three: One to turn up the day before when you're out, one to change the switch, and one to bring along the wrong kind of bulb.

Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 60, 000 dead and 300, 000 injured.

Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Ceaucescu restricted them to use only one 40 watt bulb per family to save electricity.

Q: How many Romanians does it more...

Q. How many Glenn Hubbards does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None. It is not necessary to change the lightbulb. There is no evidence that visibility moves in lockstep with new lightbulb installation.

Q. How many Larry Lindseys does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None. All you need to do is open the refrigerator door.

Q. How many John Snows does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. The problem is which John Snow. The one who thought we needed to conserve electricity, or the one who thinks that electrical power is limitless.

Q. How many Karl Roves does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Karl Rove ain't changin no lightbulb. You're changing the bulb, bub, and if you don't he'll fuck you frontways, sideways, upside down, and your career at Princeton will be over.

QUESTION: How many church people does it take to change a lightbulb?
Charismatics: Only one. Hands are already in the air.
Roman Catholics: None. They use candles.
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the light bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off.
Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much better they liked the old bulb.
Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We chose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the light bulb. However, if you have found in your own journey that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb and present it next month at our annual l light bulb Sunday service in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including more...

Q: How many trainspotters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it, one to write its serial number down, and one to bring the anoraks and the flask of soup.

Q: How many [cricket] Test Match Special commentators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it, one to eat the lovely chocolate cake sent in by the Bournemouth Womens Institute, one to say "Now when was the last time we had to change a light bulb on-air - wasn't it 1989 at Lords? " and one to comment on the lovely red bus going down the Oxford Road.

Q: How many Blue Peter presenters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to turn the old one into an attractive Christmas tree decoration.

Q: What if you have *two* dead bulbs?
A: They replace your fuse box.

Q: How many system administrators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they just deny everyone access to the area served more...

Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: "We'll document it in the manual."

Q: How many C programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they forgot to declare it first.

Q: How long does it take a C programmer to screw in a light bulb?
A: 24 hours--3 minutes to put in the bulb, the rest of the time to compile all the libraries...

Q: How many FORTRAN programs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1. 00000000001

Q: How many BASIC programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10 push bulb upwards: twist bulb clockwise 20 goto 10

Q: How many games machine programmers does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
A: One, but he needs the seal of approval from Nintendo before he can put his light-bulb in THEIR socket.

Q: How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: False.

Q: How many neural nets does more...