None Jokes / Recent Jokes

How many male chauvinistic pigs does it take to change a light bulb? None. Let the bitch do it by herself. or None. Let the bitch cook in the dark.

Differences Between Men & Women NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless. EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22. 50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators. BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left more...

Q: How many (generation) Xers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to go and shoplift the bulb so the boomers have something to screw in and the other to screw it in for minimum wage.

Q: How many vampires does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they *like* it in the dark.

Q: How many alt. vampyres readers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None! Yecch! We LOVE the dark, stupid!

Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One.

Q: How many one-armed people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, as long as he kept the till receipt.

Q: How many [members of your favorite group] does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, but they have to be *really tiny*.

Q: How many Pygmies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: At least three. (Notes: think height!)

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None. Let the wife cook in the dark.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.
Why do men like air-headed women? Opposites attract.
If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
Most accidents happen at home. And the men have to eat them!
How do you blind a woman? Put a windshield in front of her face.
How many men does it take to mop a floor? None. It's a woman's more...

Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists question whether it's really light anyway.

Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists never "see the light" anyway do they?

Q: How many hunters does it take to screw a lightbulb into a left-handed socket?
A: There is no such thing as a left-handed socket, but if they could screw right they would not be hunters.

Q: How many hunt sabs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to do it and two to clean the muddy footprints off the carpet and the chair he was standing on.

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

Q: How many LA cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six-one to do it and five to smash more...

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None. Let the wife cook in the dark.A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.Why do men like air-headed women? Opposites attract.If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie? Most accidents happen at home. And the men have to eat them! How do you blind a woman? Put a windshield in front of her face.How many men does it take to mop a floor? None. It's a woman's job.A man is incomplete until he is married. After more...

Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my advisor a $100, 000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he can tell me how to do the work for him so he can take the credit for answering this incredibly vital question.

Q: How many pre-med students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One hundred; one to change the lightbulb, the other ninety-nine to stand around wondering why they weren't chosen.

Q: How many medical students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They are too busy propping up the bar.

Q: How many computer studies students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They are far too busy hacking.

Q: How many maths students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 20. One to change it and the rest to watch and discuss how exciting it is.

Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a more...