None Jokes / Recent Jokes
Theres Santa Clause, the easter bunny, the Tooth Fariey, and a smart blonde in a round room with 100 dollars on the floor who gets the $100? None of them because none of them exist
In the beginning was the Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was without substance. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers. And the workers spoke among themselves, saying, "This is crock of shit, and it stinks." And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung, and we can't live with the smell." And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it." And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong." And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful.." And the Vice Presidents went to the President, more...
One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word' penis' in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word' penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, erased it and then proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous day's word. Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words:"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None -- He'll only promise "change."
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: He doesn't. He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.
Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs, so only Congress is responsible for the dark, which is why we need a Constitutional ammendment.
Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. If he can handle 250000000 people a day I think he can handle screwing one extra lightbulb.
Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Less and less all the time.
Q: How many believable, more...
A Muscovite asks her butcher for beef and is told there is none. She asks for
chicken. None. Lamb? None. Pork? None. Veal? None. The shopper leaves
and the butcher exclaims to his assistant, "What a terrific memory!"
From Suddenly, The American Idea at Home and Abroad, George F. Will,
1990, The Free Press, New York.
Godzilla, King Kong, and a smart blonde are all on the Empire State Building. Who jumps first?
None. Because none of them exist!
Q: How many field service engineers does it take to replace a dead light bulb?
A: Who can tell. Field service engineers are always in the dark.
Q: How many field service engineers does it take to replace a dead light bulb?
A: None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature.
Q: How many field service engineers does it take to replace a dead light bulb?
A: 2. One to hold the bulb and one to pound it in (etc)
Q: How many field service engineers does it take to replace a dead light bulb?
A: Well, the diagnostics all check out fine, so it's a software problem.
Q: How many field service engineers does it take to replace a dead light bulb?
A: None: "We'll fix it in software."
Q: How long will it take?
A: That's indeterminate. It depends on how many dead bulbs they've brought with them.