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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern more...

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two--one to screw it in and one to screw it up.

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. But she gets promoted three times before she finally finishes screwing it up.

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, we contract out for things like that.

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seven--one to supervise, one to arrange for the electricity to be shut off, one to make sure that safety and quality standards are maintained, one to monitor compliance with local, state, and federal regulations, one to manage personnel relations, one to fill out the paperwork and one to screw the light bulb into the water faucet.

Q: How many Quality managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We've formed a quality circle to study the problem of why lightbulbs burn out and to more...

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.

Q: How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it's done.

Q: How many Tory MP's does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm sorry I can't tell you that, the light bulb changing service has been privatised and the information you require is commercially sensitive.

Q: How many Thatcherites does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. It's up to the private sector to provide the finance for it.

Q: How many John Majors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to not do anything about it and one to try and blame the failure of the old bulb on the Labour more...

This nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. When she looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So she thought to herself I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me. So she went over to the machine and she put her nickel in and card came out and it said, Your a nun you weigh 128lbs and your going to Chicago Illinois. So she sat back down and thought about it, she thought to herself it probably tells everyone the same thing, I'm going try it again. So she went over to the machine again and put her nickel in it, a card came out and said, your a nun, you weigh 128lbs., your going to Chicago Ill. and your going to play a fiddle. She said to herself I know that's wrong I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life. She sat back down and this Cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down she picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music. She looked back at the more...

Q: How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: Cancerians would worry themselves to death with the problem.

Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Leos don't change lightbulbs, although sometimes their agents get a Virgo in to do it for them while they're out.

Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light.

Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Look, ask me when I get back from India, okay?

Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out light bulb?

Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: A whole bunch: I can only keep them in the room long enough for them to give the bulb a quarter turn a more...

Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: Why should I bother? It's probably just going to burn out again tomorrow anyway.

Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy so...

Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: A hundred, but they'll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light to the world.

Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Like, why don't you just get out of my face and stop asking me to do all your work for you? I'm, like, really totally sick and tired of you asking me questions.

Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Huh? The light's out?

Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: What lightbulb?

Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: They concern more...

In the beginning there was a Plan.
And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was without substance.
And darkness was upon the faces of the Workers. And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of shit and it stinks."
And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung we can not live with the smell." And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying, "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong and none may abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer and none may abide its strength."
And the Directors spoke among themselves saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong."
And the Directors went unto their Vice Presidents saying unto them, "It promotes growth and it is very powerful."
And the Vice Presidents went unto more...