None Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many AnTir-folk does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but the new bulb had better be a halogen fog lamp!

Q: How many Atlantians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: That depends, which household does it belong to?

Q: How many Dune Coons does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: Three - one to hold the bulb and two to turn the stool, but they need a foreign adviser to tell them it was burned out.

Note: I presume a "Dune Coon" means a 3rd world peasant.)

Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

Note: "Supply-siders" were the force behind Reagan's early reforms, and their economic theories were just like those of Thatcher (only the Thatcherites were more extreme). They believed that if they shifted the focus of government economic policy to stimulating supply rather than demand, the more...

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal."See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father."Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."

Q: What do a Soviet emigre and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common?
A: Neither one is very bright.

Q: How many bailiffs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Ten. One to change it, one to hit you in the kidneys, and 8 to stand around such that none of this gets caught on camera.

Q: How many Spinks handlers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. 1 to actually screw in the light bulb, 1 to carry him out of the ring, 1 to tell him who put the lights out, 2 to count the money, and it all only takes 91 seconds!

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It only takes one to change your bulb... to his.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change it and 2 to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection! "

Q: How many lawyers more...

Q: How many Daleks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1, 500, 000: To conquer a race than can climb ladders for them.

Q: How many people of the anti-matter Universe does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Minus 2. -1 to change the bulb, -1 to have a fight with Captain Kirk.

Q: How many Minbari does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
A: None. They never finish the job and they refuse to tell you why.

Q: How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to stand on a chair and change it and one to say "I wish I was up there! "

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A finite number F. One to change it and F-1 to act more...

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately call each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though its only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man more...

An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.
Bentley’s second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta’s Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. “The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist. ”
Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.
Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn’t fire, but shouted in triumph, “We got it! We got it! ”
Q: How has French revolution affected world more...

How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two - one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven - one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.
How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None - Hanover doesn't have electricity.
How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two - One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.
How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seventy-six - one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.
How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None - New Haven looks better in the dark.
How many Harvard students does it take to more...