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NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are more...
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it?
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Define "lightbulb".
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to think deeply and come up with a real gem, such as "Well there you are, standing on a chair, changing a lightbulb. Here we see the difference between a cat and a dog. If you have a cat, it looks up at you, thinks' What are you doing? ', and walks off. But if you have a dog, it's looking up at you and thinking' Well, I dunno what you're doing, but I love you anyway.'
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The bulb isn't more...
The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily."Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I`m here."The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late."Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I`m here."The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily."Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a more...
NICKNAMES: If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for a beer, they will affectionately refer to each other as LardAss, Butt-Breath, Peanut-Head and Useless.
EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $
22.
50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument!
DRESSING UP: A man will dress more...
Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They're never in the dark.
Q: How many Union Electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to change the bulb, three to watch him work, one to supervise, one to make the tea, and two to phone in to say that they can't make it in to work today.
Q: How many British trades unionists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They cannot interfere with the lightbulb's inalienable right to withdraw its labour.
Q: How many politically correct people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. "Why should we impose our values on the lightbulb? If it wishes to be a lightbulb of no light, we should respect its uniqueness and individuality."
Q: How many gay rights activists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: The bulb shouldn't have to change for society to accept it.
Q: How many small-town people does it more...
NICKNAMES: If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for a beer, they will affectionately refer to each other as LardAss, Butt-Breath, Peanut-Head and Useless.EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument! DRESSING UP: A man will dress up for weddings, funerals. A woman will dress up more...
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead apply for a position at a large company.
First the brunette goes in. The guy looks over her application and asks her one question: "How many D's are there in' Bonanza'?"
The brunette replies, "None."
The guy says, "OK, you may go into the next room for the next stage of the interviewing process."
The redhead goes in next. The guy asks her the same question: "How many D's are in' Bonanza'?"
She replies, "None."
The guy says, "OK, you may go into the next room."
The blonde goes in and he asks the same question: "How many D's are in' Bonanza'?"
After counting on her fingers for a few minutes the blonde replies: "77."
The guy, in shock, asks her how she came up with 77.
She says: "Dun da da dun dun da dun dun da da" (the Bonanza theme)...