Nope Jokes / Recent Jokes

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?"
"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?"
"Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you more...

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the doce, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope - Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a gut inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, more...

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?""Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "No - We talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, more...

The traveling salesman explained to the farmer that he, the salesman, had a full day ahead of himself and that he had a lengthy sales pitch to deliver, but that he was consumed with curiosity about the pig, with a wooden leg, walking around the yard.
"Why does that pig have a wooden leg?", he asked.
"Well", the farmer drawled, "One day I was plowin' up the south forty when that thar tractor hit a stump, reared up on me, rolled over and stuck me underneath. I yelled and I hollered, but nobody heered me -' cept for that pig! He jumped over the fence, ran' cross the field, put his shoulder to the tractor, and lifted it jist enough for me to wiggle free. If it warn't fer that pig, I reckon I'd be a dead man today!
"Oh, so the pig hurt his leg when he lifted the tractor", the salesman deducted.
"Nope.", said the farmer. "One night our house was afire and we didn't know it. But that pig! That pig jumped over the fence, more...

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope; talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit; and there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that more...

A wish for Christmas It is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the mall in his big holiday setup.He has a line of kids lined up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and sits on santas lap. Santa says to the little boy"I bet I know what you want for christmas". "I bet you want a puppy, P-U-P-P-Y"; touching the tip of the little boys nose with his finger after every letter of the word. The little boy responds"Nope". So santa again says"Then I bet you want a bike, B-I-K-E"; as he again touched the tip of the little boys nose with his finger. The little boy again said"Nope". Well santa's starting to get a little pissed off. So he thinks to himself that he'll try one more time. So he says to the little boy"I bet you want a fire engine, F-I-R-E-E-N-G-I-N-E"; once again touching the tip of the little boys nose with his finger more...

They should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like "Excuse me. .. oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved from Texas to California, our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?"

"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week. Just to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago, I went fishing with a buddy of mine.

We pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big' ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked' em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was out in the front yard with my boy the other day and he was playing with his little friend. He had hit his more...