Nope Jokes / Recent Jokes
Od Man fishing in the greek to younger man who arrives to start fishing also: "Where yu bin the last week son?"
Young man: "I got me married."
Old man: "Who'd ya marry son?"
Young man: "I married Mary Lou".
Old man: "Why she's so ugly, why d'ya marry her, is she a good cook?"
Young man: "Nope."
Old man: "Is she good in bed?"
Young man: "Nope."
Old man: "Is she pregnant?"
Young man: "Nope."
Old man, still watching his float: Why in tarnation d'you marry her for then Son?"
Young man, baiting his hook: "She's got the worms."
A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do you have any small notebooks?""Sorry," says the manager. "We're all out."The woman shrugs, and asks, "Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?""Nope, don't have that either," says the manager.The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have Doritos? Nachos?"The manager shrugs, "Sorry.""Hmmph. How about Chapstick?" says the woman."Nope. Don't have that.""Well" the woman says, "If you don't have anything, why don't you close the store?"The manager shrugs, "Can't. Don't have the key."
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.
The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine year old replies "Nope, not for my mom."
Casher: "Well they must be for your sister then?"
Nine year old: "Nope, not for my sister either."
Cashier, curious now: "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?"
The nine year old says "They're for my four year old little brother."
The cashier is surprised: "Your four year old little brother?"
The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!"
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at thelocal bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." Hisfriend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loosewomen' ya always hear about." "You don't say." said the firstman. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk."at thelocal bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." Hisfriend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loosewomen' ya always hear about." "You don't say." said the firstman. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk."
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You`ve never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain`t never had one. Never."
"Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn`t you consider that an accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose