Nope Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly couple is vacationing in the City of Colombo. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.
Upon arriving home, he walks into their room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Bessie?" Bessie looks him over, "Nope." Sam says excitedly, "Come on, Bessie, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?" Bessie looks again, "Nope."
Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT?" Bessie looks up and says, "Sam, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Sam yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW more...

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't never had one. Never."
"Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions."Ever have an accident?""Nope, nary a one.""None? You've never had any accidents.""Nope. Ain't never had one. Never.""Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?""Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions." Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never." "Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."

A few minutes before the church services start the parishioners are sitting
in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appears at the front of the
church. Everyone starts screaming and running for the door, trampling
each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon
everyone is gone except for an elderly gentleman sitting calmly in his pew,
seemingly unaware that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence.
Satan walks up to the old man and asks, "Don't you know who I am?"
"Yep," the old guy replies, "sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asks.
"Nope, sure ain't." says the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?"
"Don't doubt it for a minute." says the old man.
"Don't you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying, physical
AGONY for all eternity??" persists Satan.
"Yep." is the calm reply.
"And more...

A man sitting in the bar found that the front of his trousers was all wet. Turning to the man on his right he asked, "Did you pour beer on my trousers?" "Nope," came the reply. Then, turning to the man on his left, he asked, "Did you pour beer on my trousers?" The man also replied, "Nope." "Hmm... then it must be an inside job," he murmured.

A man sitting in the bar found that the front of his trousers was all wet.
Turning to the man on his right he asked, "Did you pour beer on my trousers?"
"Nope," came the reply.
Then, turning to the man on his left, he asked, "Did you pour beer on my trousers?"
The man also replied, "Nope."
"Then it must be an inside job," he murmured.