Nope Jokes / Recent Jokes

Fishing season hasnt opened and a fisherman who doesnt have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks: "Any luck?""Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday," he boasts."Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?" asks the stranger."Nope.""Well, meet the new game warden.""Oh," gulped the fisherman. "Well, do you know who I am?""Nope.""Meet the biggest liar in the state!"

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.

The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine year old replies "Nope, not for my mom."

Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must be for your sister then?"
The nine year old quipped, "Nope, not for my sister either."

The cashier had now become curious "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?"
The nine year old says "They're for my four year old little brother."

The cashier is surprised "Your four year old little brother??"

The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!"

oneday while in school a teacher wanted to know who wants to play the guessing game? me me me! said bobby. ok said the teacher whats big round, shiny, and you can bite it. a apple he said.nope but it shows youre thinking said the teacher. ok he said again whats long and yellow, a banana said bobby.nope but it shows youre thinking said the teacher.ok said bobby now i have a joke for you whats long and white and has a red tip on it. oh bobby said the teacher. nope said bobby its a match but it shows youre thinking.

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?" The nine-year-old replies, "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking, the cashier responded, "Well, they must be for your sister then?" The nine-year-old responded, "Nope, not for my sister either." The cashier had now become curious. "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister -- then who are they for?" The nine-year old says "They're for my four-year-old little brother." The cashier is surprised: "Your four year-old-brother?" The nine-year-old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike -- and my little brother can't do either of those things."

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me... oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign." It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign." A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big' ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "No - We talked' em into giving up. Here's your sign." I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark more...

Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at thelocal bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." Hisfriend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those' loosewomen' ya always hear about." "You don't say." said the firstman. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk." at thelocal bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." Hisfriend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those' loosewomen' ya always hear about." "You don't say." said the firstman. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk."

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply.
"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29." The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her more...