North Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dumb North Dakota laws and humor, relating to many aspects of the state, its weather, and its people.

North Dakota Crazy Law It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.

(Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. "Jazus Mick...Well have to turn back...none of the equipment is working!." Mick says to Paddy; "No Problem...Sure I can tell where we are by sticking my hand out the Window! "OK!" says Paddy, "Where are we then?"Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; "Well Paddy, I reckon were over the Bay of Biscay. The humidity seems to be gone out of the air. This is caused by the seawater. Just Head North""Brilliant!" replies Paddy, and precedes north bound. Fifteen Minutes later Paddy asks: " Where are we now Mick?"Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; " Were over the English Channel now. The more...

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a 12 pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "ya'll" is singular, "all ya'll" is plural, and "all ya'll's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
You may hear a Southerner say "Ought!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Ya'll oughta not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you more...

There had been no snow during the entire month of December. The elves in the bicycle department had been on strike since October, and now there was the possibility that the elves in the doll department might join them.
Daily life at the North Pole was not pleasant, and Santa Claus was in a pretty foul mood. Mrs. Claus was suffering from arthritis and was very mad over the fact that her red velvet cake had fallen in the oven. Santa had tried to round up some extra helpers, but with no snow, they weren't able to make it by sleigh to the workshop.
Rudolph had a bad cold, and his nose wouldn't light up. Comet and Prancer were fighting over Vixen, who had just come into heat. Blitzen's right foreleg was still in a cast, and the vet said that they would have to wait until 24 December to decide if Blitzen would be able to pull the sleigh.
The electricity went off, and all the power tools came to a stop. There was NOTHING going right in Santa's workshops. The helpers were about more...

FLORIDA
The Gunshine State
ALABAMA
Literacy Ain't Everything
ARKANSAS
At Least We're not Oklahoma
ILLINOIS
Gateway to Iowa
KENTUCKY
Tobacco is a Vegetable
MAINE
For Sale
MONTANA
Land of the Big Sky, and Very Little Else
NEW JERSEY
You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney
NEW MEXICO
Lizards Make Excellent Pets
NORTH CAROLINA
Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
OHIO
Don't Judge us by Cleveland
PENNSYLVANIA
Cook with Coal
SOUTH DAKOTA
Closer than North Dakota
TENNESSEE
The Educashun State
TEXAS
Si Hablo Ingles
UTAH
Our Jesus is Better than Your Jesus

North Korea said Monday it has performed its first underground nuclear weapons test. Sunglasses were still mandatory.
It's still unclear whether an actual test took place. The U.S. Geological Survey said it detected no seismic activity in North Korea, since North Korea is not in the U.S..

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of service. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has been cited and received more...