Nothing Jokes / Recent Jokes
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
Murphy's Laws Of Parenting...A child will not spill on a dirty floor.A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came first, the chicken or the egg. It was undoubtedly the rooster.A young child is a noise with dirt on it.A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.Celibacy is not hereditary.Familiarity breeds children.For adult education, nothing beats children.God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once and God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.Having children will turn you into your parents.If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.Insanity is inherited; you get it from more...
One day an American General, a Russian General and an Indian General were all going to England in a ship. All of them were very boastful.
AG: "I have the bravest and most courageous crew in the world. See for yourselves. Oy, you!" (he called to an American soldier) "Swim around this moving ship."
The American soldier jumped into the sea without a word, and swam around the moving ship and returned.
AG: See the guts!
RG: "Oh, that's nothing. See this. You, (he called to a Russian soldier) swim 5 rounds around this moving ship!"
The Russian soldier also jumped into the sea and swam 5 times around the moving ship and returned.
RG: "See the guts!"
IG: "Oh, that's nothing compared to MY soldiers. You, (he called to Banta Singh) swim 10 times around this moving ship!"
Banta Singh: "Am I your servant?"
IG: "See the guts!"
AG & RG :....!!!
Bruce, a middle-aged Australian tourist, visits the red light district of Amsterdam and enters a large brothel. It's his first time in Europe.
The Madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the prospective client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams and runs away!
Seeing this, the Madam sends a more experienced lady over to entertain the gentleman.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He again whispers in her ear and she screams and runs away!
The Madam decides that only the most experienced lady, Lola, would do!
Lola looks a bit tired, but there is nothing she hasn't done already and absolutely nothing would surprise her. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams louder than the more...
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who's free for the weekend.
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.
So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, to the old man.
"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except..." said the old man, and then he stopped.
"Except what?" asked the businessman.
"Nothing, nothing," said the old man.
"C'mon, tell me! I more...