November Jokes / Recent Jokes

Firm Grasp of the Obvious Department
From the Notebook pages of The New Republic 1995
Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link
- Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995
Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us
- Holland Sentinal, date unknown.
Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut
- The New York Times, November 22
Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find
- The Los Angeles Times, November 2
'Light' meals are lower in fat, calories
- Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30
Alcohol ads promote drinking
- The Hartford Courant, November 18
Malls try to attract shoppers
- The Baltimore Sun, October 22
Official: Only rain will cure drought
- The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts
Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men
- The Sunday Oregonian, September 24
Low Wages Said Key to Poverty
- Newsday, July 11
Man shoots neighbor with machete
- The Miami Herald, July more...

Thanks to Jo for this Ripper!

August 31st:
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Perth!! Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the veranda. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

September 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

October 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 30 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer that I more...

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
my big brother Tom took me out on the stoop,
then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
and he told me there was something that I had to know.
His look and his tone I will always remember,
when he told me of the horrors of... Black November.
"Come around August, now listen to me,
each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,
and soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
and you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin.
And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
in will burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head,
Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
and scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink.
And then comes the worst part", he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing".
Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
and as I sat on the more...

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop, my big brother Tom took me out on the stoop, then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow, and he told me there was something that I had to know. His look and his tone I will always remember, when he told me of the horrors of... Black November. "Come around August, now listen to me, each day you'll get six meals instead of just three, and soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin, and you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin. And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed, in will burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head, Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink, and scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink. And then comes the worst part", he said not bluffing, "She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing". Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat, and as I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat, I decided on the spot that to more...

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know;
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of... Black November;
"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,
"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;
"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;
"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;
"And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing".
Well, the rest of his words were too grim to more...

Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995
Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us -Holland Sentinal, date unknown.
Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut -The New York Times, November 22
Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find -The Los Angeles Times, November 2
"Light" meals are lower in fat, calories -Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30
Alcohol ads promote drinking -The Hartford Courant, November 18
Malls try to attract shoppers -The Baltimore Sun, October 22
Official: Only rain will cure drought -The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts
Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men -The Sunday Oregonian, September 24
Low Wages Said Key to Poverty -Newsday, July 11
Man shoots neighbor with machete -The Miami Herald, July 3
Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes -The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30
Dirty-Air Cities Far more...

Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us -Holland Sentinal, date unknown.Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut -The New York Times, November 22Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find -The Los Angeles Times, November 2"Light" meals are lower in fat, calories -Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30Alcohol ads promote drinking -The Hartford Courant, November 18Malls try to attract shoppers -The Baltimore Sun, October 22Official: Only rain will cure drought -The Herald-News, Westpost, MassachusettsTeen-age girls often have babies fathered by men -The Sunday Oregonian, September 24Low Wages Said Key to Poverty -Newsday, July 11Man shoots neighbor with machete -The Miami Herald, July 3Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes -The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows -The New York Times, March more...