Nun Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.

As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face.

Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.

By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much, so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said..........

"Not very" strong tonight, are you Batman?"

A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession: "Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he saidthat he had the key to Heaven, and he put it in the gates." "BASTARD!" cried the Mother Superior. "For years he told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I have been blowing it."

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. “My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish, ” said God. “Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways, ” said the nun. “There must be something you would have of me, ” said God. “Well, there is one thing, ” she said. “Just name it, ” said God. “It’s those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop. ” “Consider it done, ” said God. Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you. ” “There is one more...

In a nursing home, there is this old woman named Gladys who likes to walk around and flash people. She walks up to a nun, opens her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The nun says, "Gladys, you know youre not supposed to do that. Now go back to your room. Gladys starts walking back and sees the minister. She walks up to him, opens her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The minister is shocked and tells her to go back to her room. As she continues, she sees an old man lying on the bed. She walks in, flashes him, and yells "Super Pussy!" The man slowly turns his head and says, "Thanks, I think Ill have the soup."

A nun is undressing for a bath and while she's standing naked, there's a knock at the door. The nun calls, "Who is it?"

A voice answers, "A blind salesman."

The nun decides to get a thrill by having the blind man in the room while she's naked so she lets him in. The man walks in, looks straight at the nun and says, "Uhhhh, well hello there, can I sell you a blind, dearie...?"

There was once this guy and a girl in a car, parked neatly on Makeout Ridge, and they were, well, doing the obvious. So, here they were, naked as jay birds, when the guy suddenly says: "I need a cigarette." "But honey," his lover says. "The store closes in two minutes. You'll never have time to get to the store, and get dressed." "That's okay," He quips. "I'll just run down there naked, and if anyone sees me, I'll pretend I'm a statue." So the young man ran down to the store, got two packs of cigarettes (this store was obviously in a heavy nudist area or something), and starts to run back. The car is in sight, and he has a few more yards to go, when all of the sudden three nuns round the corner. He panics, and freezes like a statue, his beloved cigarettes in one hand. The first nun walks over to the young man. "Oh! What a beautiful cigarette dispenser!" She exclaimed. She sticks a quarter up his ass, pulls on his dong, and he more...

One day three nuns all died on the same day and went to heaven. They
met St. Peter at the golden gates, and he said" you know there is a test
to get into heaven?" The nuns were a little shocked, but said O. K.
St. Peter asked the first nun, What was the name of the first man on
earth? The nun replied ADAM, and the bells rang and the angles sang
and the gates to heaven swung open. St. Peter asked the second nun,
What was the name of the first woman on earth? She replied EVE, and
the bells rang and the angles sang and the gates to heaven swung open.
St. Peter asked the third nun, What was Eves' first words. The third nun
looked a little puzzled, and than said "that's going to be hard' ' and the
bells rang and the angles sang and the gates to heaven swung open.