Nun Jokes / Recent Jokes

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if Im in the shower. Send him in."The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "Thats nice and all, maam, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?

A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available.

Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.

Nun: I think that would be okay.

They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold.

Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He does)

Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold.

Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does)

Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one more...

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.

Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again Said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance, and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked more...

One night a Blond Nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish. ”
“Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways. ”
“There must be something you would have of me, ” said God.
“Well, there is one thing, ” she said.
“Just name it, ” said God.
“It’s those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop. ”
“Consider it done, ” said God. “Blond jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans.
But surely there is something that I could do just for you. ”
“There more...

A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the desert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun "I have never seen a woman's breasts, and at this point it probably wouldn't matter much, so could I see yours?" The nun agrees and shows him her breasts. "May I touch them?" The nun allows him to. The priest comments sincerely how wonderful they are. The nun then asks "Father, I have never seen a man's penis before, could you show me yours? The priest drops his drawers. "May I touch it?" After she fondles his penis for a minute he sports a huge erection. The priest says, "you know if I place my penis in the proper place it can give life!" "Is that right" the nun replies? "Yes." "Then why don't you stick it up that camels ass and lets get the hell out of here!"

Mr. Smith was brought to a Catholic hospital, and taken quickly in for heart surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Nun, who was waiting by his bed." Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely." Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God!""Really?," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law!"

Three Hells Angels are sitting at a table in a transport cafe when in walks a Nun, takes a seat next to them and begins to eat. Astonished, one of them says, "I went to my parents wedding last week andwe all got rat-arsed." Being quick on the uptake the second one says, " My dad says he will marrymy mum next year." Despite this the Nun stays right where she is. In desperation the third one says, " My old man will never ever marry mymum." The Nun looks up from her food and says, " Would one of you bastards please pass the salt."