Nun Jokes / Recent Jokes

A nun is walking down a deserted road when a man grabs her and starts raping her. After the rapist is done, he says, "Hey Sister, what are you going to tell the other Sisters now?""I'll tell them the truth, that you grabbed me, threw me to the ground, and raped me twice.... unless you're tired." she responded.

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.
As he stumbled out the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. The nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.
This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the side, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn’t move very much.
So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said……..
“Not very freakin’ strong tonight, are you Batman! ”

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The more...

A Priest, a Nun, and a Camel are crossing the desert. The camel falls dead. Before I die the father says, "I would like to see a woman naked. So the nun takes off all her clothes. She then says, "before I die i would like to see a man naked. So the father takes off his clothes. She looks at his penis and says, "My God!! What is that for?" He says "You stick it in a hole and it brings forth life." The nun replies, "Then how about you stick it up that camels ass and let's get the hell out of here!"

Two nuns, one known for her skill in math (M) and the other known for her skill in logic (L), were walking one dark night far from the convent when they noticed a man following them. M: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
L: It`s logical. He wants to rape us.
M: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
L: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
M: It`s not working.
L: Of course it`s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.
M: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
L: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I`ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow the logical sister. The mathematical sister arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to her fellow nun. Then the logical more...

A priest was driving along and saw nun on the side of the road.
He Stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in
and crossed her legs, forcing the habit to open and reveal a leg. The Priest looks and nearly has an accident, and after changing gear lets his hand slide up her leg.
She immediately says "Father remember psalm 129" The priest apologizes Profusely and removes his hand but is unable to remove his eyes from her leg.
Further on when he changes gear and has oggled at her leg for
the Zillionth time he lets the hand slide up the leg again. The Nun once Again says "Father remember psalm 129" Once again the priest apologizes.
"Sorry sister but you know the flesh is weak" Arriving at the convent The nun gets out and the priest goes on his way. Once he
arrives at his Church he rushes to the bible and looks up psalm 129 it said, "GO FORTH AND SEEK, FURTHER UP YOU WILL FIND GLORY" more...

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring and he replies,
"I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child." said the nun, more...