Nun Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man and a woman made passionate love in the back seat of his car, in the process they managed to throw all of the clothes out the window and down a steep cliff. After the sex the woman asked for a pack of cigarettes, the guy said but Im naked and all of my clothes are at the bottom of the cliff. She convinced the man to get the cigarettes, and to act like a statue when some comes near him.
So the man got two packs of cigarettes when a car of three nuns pulled up. He freeze like a statue like the woman said. The first nun came up to the man and pulled on his penis until he dropped a pack of cigarettes then said oh! a cigarette dispenser. Then the second nun comes up to the man and pulled on his penis which made him drop the second pack of cigarettes the nun said oh! a cigarette dispenser. The last nun came up to the man and pulled on his penis, and pulled, and pulled then she said oh! a soap dispenser.

A group of nuns were traveling in a car when it had a flat tire. They got out and attempted to change it, but being rather unworldly, they had no idea how to go about it. Fortunately, a truck came along and the driver offered to change it for them. They gratefully accepted.

As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. "Son-of-a-bitch!" he screamed.

"Sir, that is inappropriate language," the eldest nun said. "We understand you're upset, but must you use such language?"

"My apologies, Sister," he replied, and tried again. It slipped again and nearly smashed his fingers. "Son-of-a-bitch!" he screamed.

"Please, sir, we would ask you again to not use such language," the nun scolded. "If changing our tire is causing you to do so, perhaps it would be best if you didn't help us."

"I'm sorry, Sister, but I get so upset that it just comes out," more...

Three Nuns died and were up at outside the gates of Heaven. St. Peter wasthere with them. St. Peter decided he needed to quiz each nun with adifferent question to see if they really desereved to go to Heaven. St. Peter asked the first nun, "Nun, Who was the first man on earth?" Shereplied, "That would be Adam." St. Peter let her through the gates. St. Peter walked up to the second nun and asked her, "Nun, Who was thefirst woman on earth?" She replied, "That would be Eve." St. Peter let herthrough the gates. St. Peter walked up to the third nun and asked her, "What was the lastthing that Eve told Adam before they left Paradise?" The nun was puzzled. She thought about it for a long time." HHHHMMMM," she said aloud, "Thats a hard one." St. Peter let her through the gates.

Once there was this nun in a church. One day while
taking a shower she heard a knock at the door.
Since there was no one who could answer the door she
yelled "who is it" the man at the door replyed
" the blind man " The nun thought since it was a
blind man she could open the door, and so she did.
The man answered " good gracious where do you want
the blinds?. "

For people who didn't understnd that, the man at
the door was the blind fixer.!!!

A priest and a nun were riding a camel through the desert and the camel passed out and died. Since the priest and the nun had no way to travel they knew they were going to die. The priest asked the nun, "Since we are going to die anyway is there anything I can do for you?"

The nun replied, "Well... I've never seen a naked man before." The priest being the kind man that he was took all of his clothes off.

Pointing at the priest's dick, the nun asked, "What is that?"

The priest said,"It is my sternum."

"What does it do?" Asked the nun.

"It brings forth life." said the priest.

Then the nun said, " Well stick that on up in the camel and let's get outta here!"

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want."
The first nun says, "I want-a to be Sophia Loren" and poof! she's gone.
The second says, "I want-a to be Madonna" and poof! she's gone.
The third says, "I want-a to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.
"Sara Pipalini" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says "I'm sorry but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No Sister, this says' Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in six months "

Golfing with the Bishop
The Bishop had been planning a relaxing afternoons golf with the Abbot, but was let down at the last minute. Fortunately, he had made the aquaintance of a Sister Mary (who else?) from the local chapel.
Sister Mary was quite flattered to be invited by the Bishop to play Golf, and accepted the offer gladly. When the Bishope missed a putt on the 16th hole, however, she was shocked to hear him say, "Fuckin' shit, I missed!"
"I'm deeply ashamed of you," said a white-faced Sister Mary.
The Bishop shot her a dirty look and went on to play the 17th hole. Not long afterwards he exclaimed "Fuckin' shit, I missed!"
"I'm warning you, Bishop," said the Nun piously, "God will strike you down if you don't stop using that kind of language."
The Bishop also missed the crucial putt on the 18th hole, and uttered the same curse at full volume. Suddenly there was a deafening clap of thunder, and a more...