Nun Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three Hells Angels are sitting at a table in a transport cafe when in walks a Nun, takes a seat next to them and begins to eat. Astonished, one of them says, "I went to my parents wedding last week andwe all got rat-arsed."Being quick on the uptake the second one says, " My dad says he will marrymy mum next year."Despite this the Nun stays right where she is. In desperation the third one says, " My old man will never ever marry mymum."The Nun looks up from her food and says, " Would one of you bastards please pass the salt."
One night a Blond Nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish." "Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways." "There must be something you would have of me," said God. "Well, there is one thing," she said. "Just name it," said God. "It's those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop." "Consider it done," said God. "Blond jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans. But surely there is something that I could do just for you." "There is more...
A man was driving down the highway, and sees a sign saying "Sisters of Mercy, House of Prostitution, 10 miles"
Thinking it is some sort of joke, he pays no attention, until he sees a similar sign reading "Sister's of Mercy, House of Prostitution, 5 miles."
Still unsure, he drives on, until spotting a third sign saying "Sister's of Mercy, House of Prostitution, next exit". His curiosity getting the better of him, he takes the exit and parks his car outside the convent.
He knocks on the door, and tells the nun who answers "I saw your signs on the highway, are they for real?"
The nun answers "Yes", and tells him to give her $50 and follow her to a room.
He enters a room, and a second nun requests $50, and leads him to a door. Once he opnes the door, he is quickly shoved outside by the nun.
He finds himself behind the convent, where he sees the final sign, "Thank you for you contributions, you have just more...
A guy is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway. "Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you." he says. "I'm sorry but I've given my body to God" she replies and then leaves. Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says "I know a way you can get her in the sack." The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional everyday at 3 in the afternoon. The bus driver tells the guy his plan and the guy leaves happy knowing he's going to get some. The next day at 3 the guy is in the booth dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness he says "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you." She replies "Well if God has said it, we must do it. However because of my strong commitment to God I will only take it up the ass." The guy figures this more...
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil! ”
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
“How do you know this, Sister? ”
“My Mother Superior told me so. ”
“But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right? ”
“Don’t be ridiculous–of course I have never taken alcohol myself”
“Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life”
“How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?! ”
“I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know. ”
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the more...
THERE WERE THREE NUNS TALKING TO EACH OTHER AT THE CHAPPEL. SUDDENLY ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER TWO THAT SHE FOUND A BOX OF CONDOMS IN THE ROOM OF FATHER JOSEPH. THE SECOND NUN WAS EICTED BY HEARING THAT ASKED THE FIRST NUN WHAT SHE DID WITH IT. THE FIRST NUN REPLIED SAYING"I JUST MADE HOLES IN ALL THE CONDOMS". SUDDENLY THE OTHER TWO NUNS FAINTED!!!!
A police officer pulled over a nun driving a car, and said,' Ma'am, you're driving much too slowly, could you please drive faster?"
And the nun says,' Oh, I saw the sign with the "21" and assumed the speed limit was 21 kph"
The officer explains:' No ma'am, the speed limit is 80. The highway number is Interstate 21."
Then the police officer looks in the back seat and see the other two nuns shaking like leaves.
"Excuse me, Sister, but what's wrong with your two colleagues?"
"Oh, that's probably because we just got off Highway 205."