Nun Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three nun's were touring the local zoo one sunny afternoon having a picnic. While wandering around, they entered the monkey house. Unfortunately, one of the nuns got to close to the gorilla cage and he pulled her inside. He savagely beat and raped the nun. It took 4 guards to pull the nun to safety. The nun spent three months in the hospital recovering and then was sent to a convent in England, for six months, to recover emotionally. Amazingly, the same three nuns met up again the next year in the park. The younger of the two asked her if she minded talking about the experience in the zoo. She said, "Of course not". The younger nun asked "Did it hurt?" The sister replied "Of course! He never called and he never wrote."

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I `ll give you $800 to drop that towel," After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2:
A priest more...

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"

"Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

What's the difference between a woman in the bath tub and a nun? The nun has a soul full of hope. What's the difference between a circus and a Las Vegas Dance Show? The circus is an array of cunning stunts. Holly Happidays

A young guy caught the same bus every morning and he noticed
a young and beautiful nun in that bus every morning. The bus driver
notices the young guys attraction to the nun and says
"You know something, she want's her viginity taken
by god and every full moon day she would go and sit in the
park and wait for god to come and screw her all night."
Astonished by the bus drivers story he decided to check it out.
Sure enough on the next full moon day the young dude dressed
himself to look like god and went to the park and sure enough
there was the gorgeous nun.
Young Guy: Here I am my child, I am here to fulfill your wish
Nun: So No! ! I am having my periods, but please take me
in my rear, Please! !
Young guy reckons something is better than nothing and enters her
from the rear. Having had a good time he strips his disguise and
says "He He He I am not god I am the young guy in the Bus Silly more...

Bishop Scratches Preacher`s Ass This was too much for the Bishop and he ordered
the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The
preacher decided to give the animal to a nun in a
local convent. The next day, the headlines read: Nun Has Best Ass In Town The Bishop fainted. When he came around, he
informed the nun that she would have to dispose of
the donkey. The nun searched, finally finding a
farmer willing to buy the animal for ten dollars.
The paper stated: Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks! They buried the Bishop the next day.

Why do you live like a NUN after you get married? NUN in the morning, NUN in the afternoon, NUN in the evening, NUN what so ever! Sent by Tiffany