Nun Jokes / Recent Jokes

a couple is in anhotel having sexthe women tells her husband to go out and
get her some chocalate. He says let me put on my clothes. She says no that will
take to long, its dark nobodys out there. So he runs outside past the church to
the vending machines. When he comes back he sees nuns coming so he jumps in the
bushes. The nuns come up and the first one says look it must be the new vending
machine. So she pulls on his peter and he drops a candybar. This repeats with
the other two nuns. The last nun pulls his peter and runs to the other nuns
screaming "LADIES LOOK I'VE GOT HANDLOTION!!!!!'HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

A nun gets on a bus and sits behind the driver. She says to the bus driver she needs someone to talk to. She lives in a convent and wants to experience sex before she dies. The bus driver agrees but the nun explains she can't have sex with a married man because it would be a sin. The bus driver says no problem, he's not married.. The nun says she also has to die a virgin, so she has to take it in the ass. The bus driver agrees again and being the only two people on the bus they go in the back and take care of business. When they were done and he had resumed driving the bus driver said, Sister, I have a confession to make, I'm married and have three kid's." The nun replied, "That's O. K. I have a confession too. My name is Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party.

Three nuns were talking....... The first nun said "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines" "What did you do?", the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, " Well, I can top that. I was in Fathers room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?", they asked "I poked holes in all of them!", she replied. The third nun fainted.

Three nuns die and go to heaven where they are met by StPeter at the pearly
gates. St Pete says "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm
granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want". The first
nun says "I want to be Bo Derek" and POOF she's gone. The second says "I want to
be Madonna" and POOF she's gone. The third says "I want to be Sarah Pepalini".
St Peter looks perplexed."Who?" he says."Sarah Pepalini" replies the nun. St
Peter shakes his head and says "I'm sorry, that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St Peter. He
reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No
Sister, this says SaharaPipelinelaid by 500 men in 7
days!"

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!" The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!" "A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. "But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun, "it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!" "What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?" "Well, I hit the CEILING, father." "How much did you win?"

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the Fathers noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?", he asked.

"Oh no, Father. Just a little gas." Sister Susan explained, matter-of-factly.

A month or so later the Father noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?", he asked again.

"Oh no, Father. Just a little gas." She replied again.

A few months later the Father noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carraige in the convent.

He leaned over and looked in the carraige and said -
"What a cute little fart!"

Four nuns died and went to heaven as they always wanted. At the pearly gates
they were asked to confess about their sins. The first
nun went to the priest and said, when I was 7 years old
I toughted my brother's genital. Priest said its all
right Please wash your hands in that holly water.
The second nun come to priest and said when I was 8 years
I have watched a couple having sex, priest goes it's ok
go and wash your eyes in that holey water. Having seen
this the fourth nun asked third nun "Can I go before you?"
Third nun asked "Why do you want to go before me?
Fourth nun goes, I want to wash my mouth before you
wash your Ass in that holly water!!!!!!!