Nun Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two nuns and a mother superior had a fatal accident and died and all three arrived at Heaven's door,
Saint Peter was at the entrance to greet the three nuns and mother superior introduced herself and the other two to saint Peter.
Saint Peter said,"well ladies we have a system here, you'll have to answer a question each before I can let you in"
Nuns and mother superior agreed.
Saint Peter asked the 1st nun "Who was the first man on earth?"
Nun said "adam",
saint Peter said, "You are in"
asked the 2nd nun "Who was the 1st woman on earth?"
nun said,"Eve".
St. Peter said," you are in".
Mother superior came forward, St Peter said "well you were holding a higher post and I will have to ask you a hard question"
"When Eve saw adam standing bollock nacked in front of Eve what did she tell him?"
Mother superior wanted to express the more...
The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional. She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit." The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do six cartwheels on your way to the altar."
Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God." "Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in -law."
One night a Blond Nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her." My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish." "Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways." "There must be something you would have of me," said God." Well, there is one thing," she said." Just name it," said God." It's those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop." "Consider it done," said God. "Blond jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans. But surely there is something that I could do just for you." "There is more...
A very devout nun dies and goes to heaven. Upon arrival she is greeted with ceremony and honor and told she may immediately have any wish she chooses while her place is prepared for her.
She humbly and politely replies that she would like an audience with Holy Mary, if this is possible. Peter agrees on the spot and escorts her personally to a little door, hitherto unnoticed in the great vault of the firmament.
He knocks softly. There's a murmured reply from within and he opens the door and indicates to his guest to enter. Within, sitting in a plain chair is a middle-aged Jewish woman in the garb of the first century knitting.
The nun sits reverently for some time at Mary's feet and finally gestures so as to ask a question. Mary looks up from her knitting and indicates it is OK to ask. "Reverend Mother, please tell me, you were chosen from all women to be the mother of God, you a simple Jewish woman I know, but if you could, just give me an inkling more...
What's the difference between a nurse and a nun?
A nun only serves one God.
A man was brought to the hospital, and taken quickly in for emergency surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.
"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun essayed. "Just my sister in New York," he volunteered. "But she's a spinster nun."
"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not' spinsters;' they are married to God."
"Really... wonderful," said Smith. "In that case, you can send the bill to my brother-in-law!