Nurse Jokes / Recent Jokes

What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?
If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour, it'll probably stop whining.

A man who's wife was pregnant couldn't bear to be in the delivery room at the time of the birth.
So he thought he'd ring up later to see if it had come yet.
He rang up and the nurse said "it's a girl but theres another one on the way"
he rang again later and the nurse said "it's another girl but there's another coming"
he rang once more and the nurse said " it's a boy but there's another coming"
He couldn't stand it any more so he went to the pub and got drunk.
An hour later he was really nervous. He was dialling the hospital, hands shaking, and accidently dialled the sports line. he asked " how many did we get mate" the person said "198 all out.... and the last one was a duck"

What's the difference between a nurse and a nun?
A nun only serves one God.

A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead.
"Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!"

At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead.
"Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?"
"Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse.

Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you prick his boil?"
"OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nurse.

There was a little baby boy and a little baby girl. Then the baby boy goes "I'm a boy, you are a girl!" Then the girl goes "How do you know?" Then the little boy goes "I'll show you when the nurse leaves." So about 10 minutes later, the nurse leaves. So the boy lifts up his gown and goes........."See I have Blue Booties, and you have Pink!

This young woman brought her child into Children's Hospital
for a routine check-up. On the records, the nurse saw that
the child's first name was Urine (pronounced Urin-ie). Not
wanting to be rude, but wanting to know why this woman would
name her child this, the nurse asked her how Urine got her name.
The woman explained, "Well, my baby was born premature and had
to stay in the special nursery. She was real sick and they
didn't know if she would make it. I couldn't decide what to
name her, but the nurses said they would pray for her. One
day I came in and there was this paper on her incubator that
said 'Please save Urine', so I knew that they had named my baby."

Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?
Because nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.