Nurses Jokes

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

3 nurses go into the morgue, and there's a dead man's body lying there, with an erection.The first nurse sees it, and says "I'm gagging for it", gets atop the man and has her way with it.The second nurse says "Aye, so am I, shame to let it go to waste", and she does the same.They turn to the 3rd nurse and ask her if she is having a go. She replies she is having her period, and declines. One of the nurses reply "He's dead anyway, he'll no bother". The last nurse agrees with this, gets on and does her thing too.Just after she finishes, the dead man sits up. The nurses ask him "We thought you were dead!", and the man replies,"After two jump starts and a blood transfusion, you wouldn't be dead either!".

Three nurses died and went to Heaven, where they were met at the Pearly
Gates by St. Peter.
To the first, he asked, "So, what did you used to do back on Earth? Why
do you think you should be allowed to come into Heaven?"
"I was a nurse at an inner city hospital," she replied. "I worked to bring
healing and peace to many sufferers, especially poor, helpless children."
"Very noble," said St. Peter. "You may enter." And in through the Gates
she went.
To the next, he asked the same question, "So, what did you used to do?"
"I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in the Amazon basin," she replied.
"For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who
tried to reach out to as many people across numerous tribes, with a hand
of healing and peace, and with the message about God's love."
"How touching," said St. Peter. "You, too, more...

An elderly Jewish man was admitted to the local hospital, which happened to be run by a Catholic order. All the nurses were nuns.
One of the nurses was preparing his records and she asked him who would be responsible for his bill.
"I don't have any money," the old man told her.
"Do you have any family?"
"I have one sister who changed her religion and became a nun, so she's an old maid."
"I'll have you know that we're not old maids," the nurse protested. "We're married to Christ."
"In that case," the old man replied, "send the bill to my brother-in-law."

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a spongebath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her.
They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flatlines... no pulse... no heart rate.
The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."