Nurse Jokes / Recent Jokes
Joe was having medical problems and went to see the Doctor. As usual, the Nurse got out his chart and went over medications and history. Then she asked him what his problems were that brought him in to see the doctor today. Joe said, "It is kind of personal and I would rather tell the doctor." The nurse said, "By telling me, it will speed things up as I will already have this written in your chart, so please proceed to tell me your problems." Joe said, "Well, OK, I am having trouble with my penis - - - - - -." At this, the nurses face turned red and she ran out of the room. Later, when the doctor came in, he told Joe that he had upset the nurse and Joe explained that he was only telling her what she asked for. "I know," said the doctor, "but next time just tell her that you have a problem with your ear and when I come in, we will correct anthing in the chart." "OK", said Joe.
Well, three days later, Joe returned on a more...
A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him, but finally even she had had enough. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"
She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking more...
Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.
The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.
The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room. It's a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.
The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO."
St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven. .. for five days!"
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
80 yr. old man is in a nursing home and it's time for his bath.
His attractive nurse's aid unrobes him and begins to wash him.
In a moment he asks that Mabel come in and hold his penis out of
the way so that the nurse's asst can wash underneath.' why?', asks
the aid' i am perfectly capable of doing that and washing you
with my other hand.'' no, I'd much rather have Mabel do that for you',
he insists. with a hint of jealousy in her voice the aid asks' well what has
Mabel got that i haven't got?'
parkinson's disease!', the gentleman says.
1. Banta in Love
Banta fell in love with a porno star and married her.
He got an opportunity to watch one of her movie....
the Movie came to an End.
A bit disturbed and annoyed with what he saw,
Banta told himself, "Thank God it was just a movie and not reality."
2. Size - Does it matter?
A young man was so paranoid about the size of his little tool that he could never work up the courage to have sex.
However, when the time goes on he fell in love with a nurse.
One fine evening, the couple went to her place. She put on some soft music and led him into the bedroom.
Totally scared, he told her of his problem."Don't worry," She said. "I'm a nurse. I won't laugh."
Blushing the man drops his trousers."It's OK," she said. "I've seen lots smaller than this."
"Really?" the relieved man asked.
She nodded. "Yes," she chuckled, more...
Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. From time to time the young nurse came in and said in a patronising tone, "And how are we doing this morning?"
Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went.
The nurse came in, picked up the urine bottle and said, "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Harry snatched the bottle out of her hand, drinked its contents, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time."