Nurse Jokes / Recent Jokes

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.
He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just
like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have
anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him, but
finally even she had had enough. She came into his room and
announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down,
crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't
use an oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled
over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the
thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you
stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"
She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He more...

There was an old man whom, though loved by his son, was being put into an old-folks home because the son could not provide the round-the-clock care the old man required."Don't leave me here to die alone here!" the old man said, when the day finally came."Now dad," said the son, "we discussed this, and you know its the best thing for you. I'll visit twice a week, and you can always pick up the phone and give me a call."So the son left, and the old man was put to bed. He immediately grabbed the phone and called his son. "You've got to come get me. This is a terrible place; the nurses all ignore me, the food's terrible, and I'm so alone!""Now Dad, I just left you half an hour ago. How can you tell in only 30 minutes what the place is like? Stay there a few more days, and if it's really that bad, we'll have to work something out."So the old man hung up, and eventually found his way to sleep. The next morning, the nurse woke him, and began more...

Doctor: "Did you take the patient's temperature?"
Nurse: "No. Is it missing?"

Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm ok but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say," asked the nurse. "OOPS!"

Just before his scheduled surgery, a nurse noticed the patient wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair.
She stopped him and asked, "What's wrong?"
"I heard the nurse say, 'It's really a very simple operation, so don't worry. I'm sure everything will be just fine."
"I don't understand," the nurse said. "She was only trying to comfort you. What did you find so frightening about that?"
"It wasn't ME she was talking to, it was the doctor!" the patient exclaimed.

Q: Did you hear about the army nurse who went to bed eating popcorn?
A: She woke up with a kernel between her legs.

Doctor: "Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?"
Nurse: "No change yet."